how to not get killed and/or go to jail

so im noticing that i'm slowly getting out of shape. i blame this on not having my boxing stuff here in little rock. beating the shit out of a huge bang of sand at 2am is one of the best work outs out there. so, im having a conversation about boxing and what not, and i started thinking about little rock and how its full of ghetto. then i remembered something i read back in the day about self defense, so i figured i'd put it on here because the shit is good to remember.

things you arent supposed to do. i'll see if i can remember all these. there are probably some i'm forgetting. as you can imagine, i've paraphrased the shit that hung on the wall at the ma studio.
- dont go get drunk at places you don't need to. you dont have to go to biker bars or bars in the ghetto to get hammered.
- just stay the fuck away from dangerous places. dont park in the dark spots on the rivermarket. when you go out of town to other places, memphrica, for instance, google that shit and see where the danger is ahead of time. al gore made the internets for a reason.
- dont take the shortcut through the alley to get home. its not a good idea.
- dont touch her/him. you dont know if the chick you are scheming on or the dood whos cock you are grinding on has a boyfriend or girlfriend or both. a quick way to get your ass kicked is to feel up stacy while her 300lb offensive lineman boyfriend sees you from across the room.
- don't buy or sell bad stuff. if you are buying or selling bad stuff, bad things can happen to you.
- dont act like a bitch, aka make yourself out to be a target. save your fucking diamonds and shit for when you are out on a date, not out at the bar. you bitches really don't need a coach or LV suitcase to carry around all your shit in a bar. dont break out your wad of hundred dollar bills, downum, when you go to the bar. people see that shit, and before the end of the night, you will be forced to swing an empty beer bottle at someone just to keep them from robbing you.

stuff you are supposed to do:
- calm dowm. if you see your girl is the one getting groped and you happen to not be a 300lb lineman, think about what a physical confrontation will entail before you get hot headed and go beat some dousches ass. it can really fuck up your life, potentially physically, emotionally, and now i know more than ever, legally
- just walk away. ya ya, i know i've not been one to do this most of the time. but, i remember distinctly just over a year ago when the guy at the bar tried ot call me out in front of all my friends and i got in his face and slapped my cheek and told him to hit me, so i could have a reason to beat his ass. and i was just there to have dinner and not even get drunk, because i had a paper due the next day. needless to say, my teacher understood, since the dousche who tried to attack me was one of jessica's friends, and we were in a fight. i got drunk later that night and had a guy in my phone as dead for a long time. if you just walk away, your ego is all that hurts
- dont be a cock. if you fuck up, be nice about it, maybe they wont beat your ass. if someone else fucks up, nicely ask them to stop trying to finger bang your girlfriend on the dance floor. explain to them how that makes you feel angry and you would appreciate them no longer doing it. if that doesnt work, see below.

this is what you are supposed to do and not do. i'm all for also carrying a knife around, just because its useful, and you can stab a mofo in the throat if need be.