25 things that you learn from google trends

Saw this and thought I would put it on here.

So I saw this "25 things I learned from Google Trends" and thought it was so dead boring that I'd do my own instead. Let's see...

1. Ass to Mouth, which is growing in popularity, is most searched for in Tampa, FL.
2. Beastiality is by a wide margin most popular in Brisbane, Australia.
3. Child porn is extremely popular across Turkey, but is also searched for most often in Auckland, New Zealand.
4. Escorts are most sought out in Italy, the United Kingdom, France, Belgium, and Sweden, in that order. I suppose if I was in Sweden I might enjoy an escort.
5. If you're searching for a sex slave, you're probably doing it in Irvine, California.
6. If you're simply seeking sex (of any sort), you're most likely in Cairo, Egypt (followed by a series of cities in India).
7. Lesbian porn is most sought in Brisbane, Australia.
8. Donkey sex is most searched for in the amusingly titled Lahore, Pakistan, as well as a host of Indian cities... oh, and Denver, CO.
9. Blowjobs are searched for more in Chicago than anywhere else.
10. Viagara is desperately needed in Buffalo, NY, by a wide margin...
11. ...but if you spell it Viagra, you're probably from Brentford, UK.
12. If all you want is boner you're from Minneapolis, MN, but the more polite erection seekers are from Melbourne, Australia.
13. Gay sex is most popular in Birmingham, UK.
14. But gay escorts are all the rage in Torino, Milan, and Rome, Italy.
15. Fisting is searched for most in Zurich, Switzerland.
16. Cow sex is searched for most in Chennai, Delhi, and New Delhi, India. It's also quite popular in Atlanta, Georgia.
17. If you want hairy pussy you're probably in Delhi, India, but if you want shaved pussy you're likely in Brisbane, Australia.
18. If you're looking for information on premature ejaculation, you're likely in Perth, Australia.
19. Rim jobs are apparently enjoying a spike of popularity in the small town of Kitchener, Ontario.
20. If you're looking for rape, you're most likely in one of four Indian cities, followed by Philadephia, PA in fifth place.
21. If you're looking for an ass fuck, you're probably in Athens, Greece.
22. Facial cumshots are most sought in Montreal, France.
23. Punk porn would probably sell best in Seattle, WA.
24. Anal sex is most searched for in Miami, Florida, and Ankara, Turkey.

25. Oh, and if you're searching for Google's help on torture, you're probably in Washington, DC.

i dont want to work, i just want to bang on my drum all day

last night, i got my memo #2 back. i was pleased with the result. now, i tried to convince someone to hang out with me, but they were far too lame. now i am forced to blame them for my hangover today that is inevitably on its way. anyway, they sucked, so i commenced celebrating a good grade. jack, grube, mchottie, and myself went to a skanky dive bar. midtown. i've been there before. actually, a few times with sam. definitely an after hours joint. stays open till 5am. thank god we left at 2. 9-2 at the bar makes 8am at work difficult. i walk in this morning, and sandy, a secretary here, asks if im ok, i say yes why? and she says my eyes are really bloodshot. luckily, i put in my contacts this morning, so that is my excuse. i have no excuse for why my jeans smell like a cigarette. i can smell them while im sitting here. i think she is on to me that i am still drunk. i would have gone to jail if i'd been pulled over on the way to work. im sobering up now, and this dr pepper and excedrin are the last line of defense between me and a hangover. anyway, so we bullshit for a long time and have too many beers and all of a sudden its 2am, and there is the band yellowcard. they played a show next door at juanitas. too bad they are gay, and suck. might have been worth an autograph if that werent the case.

i heart you

i finally got something on the refrigerator. not mine, but someone elses. the other weekend when i was in fay for the hog game, i borrowed darnold's id to get in the game. well, i ended up leaving early sunday morning and forgot to take it out of my wallet. that said, i mailed it back to him. along with the id i decided to write him a note saying things. well, i couldnt find anything in reach on my desk other that some magic markers that i bought for my Teach for America presentation forever and a day ago. thank god i didnt accept that position. south dakota sucks. anyway, i had all these random colors of markers, and the ones that were actually useful have been used, but the gay colors have not. since these were the only thing in reach, i decided, fuck it, i'll just use these. well, i decided to make a really gay not to send to darnold, since i had the gay colors, and since he is my little bro and has a fucked up sense of humor, just like me. that said, he hung it on his refrigerator, and sent me some photos.

death and dying

i dont like death. sure, its a natural progression in the grand scheme of things, but its just something that is hard for people to deal with. a girl i used to know was just killed in a car wreck. now, i say know, but really i just know a lot of her best friends and sorority sisters, and have hung out with her some through them. still, i feel for all the people who i am still close to that are affected by her death. i think back to when someone i cared for died and how fucked up that had me and our circle, and i am sure they are feeling the same way. so, i look up this girl in facebook, and i see of course, people writing on her facebook wall. i think people doing this is a good and bad thing, but you have to choose your words wisely. im all for the heart-felt messages that you wish you could have said to the person while they were still alive, but don't say things like, "you are in a better place. I can't wait until I get to see you again!" seriously, you can't wait until you die so you can maybe go to heaven and see that person again? i hope i can wait at least another 70 or 80 years until i get to see those i've lost again. if something should happen to me in the next few years, dont tell me you can't wait to see me. wait as long as you can, because its not like im going anywhere.

big words make little people

i was called a big word tonight. incorrigible. i am not going to lie, i looked it up, because i thought it meant "not change," which it sort of does, but this dictionary.com definition is horrible.
incorrigible:
1. bad beyond correction or reform
2. impervious to constraints or punishment; willful; unruly; uncontrollable
3. firmly fixed; not easily changed
4. not easily swayed or influenced


i think perhaps the only definition that can be interpreted as good is #4. i also think that perhaps all these can apply to me, but in moderation. #1) am i bad beyond correction or reform? probably. but not in regards to anything really bad. maybe just my love for rum. #2) am in impervious to constraints or punishment? only when im doing something involved in #1. #3) am i not easily changed? who knows, no one has ever tried. #4) am i not easily swayed or influenced? isnt this an oxymoron? if i were not easily influenced, would i now be bad beyond correction? someone had to put the cocktail in my hand. regardless, noone is perfect. but, that old saying, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me," is a crock of shit. luckily, i think her calling me incorrigible was a joke. :)

not now chief, im in the fucking zone

so, i finally cut my hair. shit has been growing for a year. i just couldnt handle it anymore. i told dave i was getting a haircut, and he said i should cut it like a guido. i laughed and told him now, and he sends me a text message while im getting it cut asking if i want to go to the game next weekend as razorback guidos. i told him if i can find a hog button down, i'd consider it. i'd only consider it because he has that badass jersey accent and if he wasnt jewish, he might be italian and be a guido. who knows? that said, i wanted to post this video up here again, just because its so funny. it has had over 4 millions views since the last time i put it up here, so i guess im not the only on who thinks its hilarious.

some days

yea, so i got up early, and was productive. i went to church, i ran, i unpacked a bunch of shit in my apartment, and i had a kickass dinner. if only i'd have done some of my homework. no luck there, but thats ok, there is always tomorrow. i havent been to church in so long, i can barely remember the last time i went. im probably going to hell. be that the case, i may as well do all sorts of really bad things so i get a first class ticket. :)

clothing of character

its 76 degress outside. why its hot, in november, i have no clue. however, i am not complainging. nonetheless, i wore shorts this afternoon. i went to put on a pair of my khaki shorts, which the last time were worn was at the last little rock game. now, this past summer, i've had some shorts issues. the holes in my favorite pair won, and i opted to throw them out, as opposed to walk around showing half of my ass to anyone who may be behind me. not that i mind so much, because i have a hard, according to tommy, but the other people might mind, and while i normally wouldnt give a fuck, i was feeling somewhat considerate. now, my 2nd favorite pair, also have an issue. they seem to allow my balls to breathe much better than any normal pair of shorts. this is due to a hole that needs to be fixed. on that note, i miss my friend leah, and its not because she always sewed up all my shit for me.

anyway, back to my shorts that i wore at the last little rock game. it all started friday afternoon. brandon called and said, hey, you want to come down to hot springs and get fucked up tonight? sure i do. i had not seen in him a while, and he really is my partner in crime most of the time, so off i go to hot springs friday night. we have some scotch, and kick it till the wee hours of the morning. saturday comes, and we have breakfast and mimosas. 11am, time to make a rum drink. its game day baby, why not? we decide that as opposed to drive 2 vehicles to little rock, i'll just stay saturday night in hot springs after the game. so, we head to little rock, mimosa made, rum ready, and stocked up on ice and beer. i didnt bring a hog shirt with me to hot springs, so i wear one of brandons. we meet brandon's parents for lunch on the golf course, and then stumble around talking to people. i get a student ticket from a fraternity brother, and we head into the game, nice and hammered, right before kickoff. we are playing some bullshit team, so i could care less about getting a good seat. my actually memory of the game itself is vague, but i do remember some guy telling us to sit down and us telling him where to go and what to do when he gets there. seth eventually meets us, and at some point it gets dark, and we go outside to the lca tailgate. my little bro gives us a bunch of beer, and we drink it and hang out until late. somehow, we convince seth to come back to hot springs, and we stop by wendy's. we go to the med school to try to get will from studying to come to hot springs, but the doors are locked, so seth is unable to drunkenly stumble through med school to find will. so, that said, we grub on a shitload of wendy's and head down i35 toward spa city.

half way there, i realize, i am going to puke. "I'm going to throw up," i announce to the car, and i take the wendy's sack and pretend im in an airplane. now, all would have been fine and dandy, except wendy's sacks are weak. i mean really weak. as im about to throw the sack of yack out the window, i feel warmth on my lap, and look down to notice the bottom of the sack has blow out, and im covered in my own vomit. dammit, i think to myself. so im scooping puke off me and throwing it out the window. i tell brandon to stop. and i get out on the side of the interstate, strip down to my boxers, and we continue on. i have some more beer, because i have a hideous taste in my mouth. seth and b laugh the entire way, wishing they had brought a camera. at some point, i remember telling b we are going really fast, and he guns it and announces to the car how he just hit the governor on his 4runner for the 1st time. 107mph. i shouldnt be alive. anyway, i throw my vomit covered clothing in the washer and wash them, then we get in the pool and continue boozing until the sun damn near came up. the next morning, mrs crawford cooked breakfast, thankfully. i dry my clothes, we watch most of the nascar race, and seth and i head back to little rock. now, i have since washed these shorts twice, and they still are full of character. by character, i mean a big puke stain. i am going to attempt to bleach them at some point, but that may fuck them up even more. brandon's truck was covered in what looked like concrete, but was actually puke, on the passenger side. we all got a good laugh out of that. i got some solace for my drunken state when brandon sent me a txt on his way back to fay saying he had to pull over and throw up. will there be a repeat of this chain of events this coming saturday? i hope not, but if so, maybe it will be warm enough to warn my shorts of character, so just in case, i wont fuck up anymore clothes.

maybe i should have been a mexican drug dealer

so, i got this email forwarded to me with these pictures from a mexican drug dealers house that got raided. have these mother fuckers never heard of a bank? stupid mexicans. nonetheless, what a shitload of money. you know those cops skimmed some off the top, since they are most certainly dirty. this should cover some of what mexico owes the US...

W

i stumbled across this little gem this morning, and found it quite humorous. personally, i think i'd rather pull out. :)



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fuck corporate america

it has come to my attention that the entire world is controlled by corporate america. more specifically, it is controlled by companies that produce products that contain a legal, yet addictive drug. these drugs are caffeine and nicotine. what is worse, society conforms to the demands made by the consumers of these products. thats why you see the tall ash try type things with sand in them outside buildings, or the smokers stations, or whatever you throw cigarette butts in. also, thats why there is a damn soda machine in almost every building in the US. it makes no difference how much it costs, people still buy the shit and need the shit, myself included. this morning, when i go to get my every morning coca cola classic, i put in my dollar, push the button for my refreshing cold beverage, and wait. nothing happens. i push the button again. still nothing. mother fuck, i think, this piece of shit just took my dollar. i push the refund button, and out pops my dollar. i'll try this again, i think to myself. put the dollar in, still the same. it is only then that i notice the tiny stick in the upper right hand corner of all the selections that says 1.15. wtf? i think to myself. how dare these bastards raise the costs of a soda by 15%. i know gas is expensive as fuck, but does it really cost that much more to bring me this drink. inflation is also a factor, but still, i dont carry around an extra dime and nickel just for shits and giggles. luckily, i had one of each in my car, so i can enjoy this tasty treat, which is about the only thing keeping me awake.

yea, its late

no, i dont know how i stumbled across this. yes, its funny. fuck you if you dont like it. these are comedy porn titles

http://www.starma.com/penis/daddyswank/daddyswank.html

A few of my favorites:
8 Mile Cock
American History XXX
Armaget-it-on
Booty and the Beast
Cunt Hardly Wait
Done In 60 Seconds

Ok, i cant list anymore. im laughing my ass off. time for bed. read for yourself.

must be some good stuff

so, there is this guy in my class, who drinks more diet pepsi jazz than i even knew existed. every day, he has 4. thats a shitload. he is very methodical about how he drinks them, how he lines them up by his computer, etc. very ocd. hes a nice guy though, but i couldnt help take a picture of it to put on my blog.

everyone has a little closet freak in them

i listen to fucked up music. i find it entertaining. i have a wide variety of musical tastes. is ranges from deftones to taylor swift (who i want to make babies with) to r. kelly to TI to korn to tool to the beatles to earth wind and fire to elvis. elvis to evil is a good summation of my music collection. i've been to a shitload of shows, and seen everything from an on stage prayer to a guitar playing getting naked and humping his guitar on stage, to a guy getting out the biggest blunt i've ever seen, and smoking it on stage. last night, at the bar, i had on a (hed)pe or Hed P.E. or whatever the hell their name is now shirt. to my surprise, a girl who was out last night new this specific band, and threw out the name of a specific song, Crazy Legs. now, this is possibly one of the most fucked up songs by this band. well, i take that back, some of their new shit is far more fucked up, if that is possible. (click here for the intro to one of there albums released since then. its called foreplay.) i'll copy down the lyrics at the end of this and you can judge for yourself. anyway, i've decided that everyone has a little freak in them, and enjoys listening to some fucked up music. me, im just more open about it. this band rocks. see more at their myspace page and hell here is a link to crazy legs. Crazy Legs

Crazy Legs
-----------
I Come into your house make love to your spouse
Fuck her in the mouth then Im out what
These type of things happens all the time
You trying to get yours but Im a kill for mine
Nigga nigga nigga a nigga please
I strap on a jimmy
Cuz I dont want a disease
Baby likes it when I come inside
I come into your house and take your daughter for a ride
Now how you gonna slow me down
Show me how you heard about my theory now
Feel me now busta
you dealing with the microphone crusher
Amateurs fold under pressure
Yeah roll up that blunt now
Lay yo guns down who be the one now
Out of town before sun down o.k. corral
You gonna slow me down bitch show me how

You gonna slow me down show me how
You gonna slow me down show me how
You gonna slow me down show me how
You gonna slow me down bitch show me how
Whooooa
Where my dogs at
Where my girls at
Where da whiskey at me let me hit some of that
Im a drink my wine and smoke my weed
Im a fuck that honey from behind
This is until she screams
Oh yeah hell yeah
Theres a party over here party over there
Rebels throw you fist in the air
Bitches throw your tits in the air

(chorus)2x
Hed p.e. cant you see
Sometimes your shit just hypnotize me
And I just love your freaky ways
M.c. my love is here to stay
M.c.o.d. oh cant you see
Sometimes you shit just hypnotize me
And I just love your freaky ways
Hed p.e. my love is here to stay

(2nd verse)
You heard about that shit that we do
You heard about the sex and the drugs and the violence
Its all true
I heard about your puss ass crew
Cross over corporate take down take two
Huh you running out of time now
You all mine now lights out
You fat muthafucker watch me shine now
You fat ass
You wanna show me down show me how
You heard about my theory now fear me now
Cuz aint no way that the shit can miss
See all my dogs fuck it up in the pits
See all my ladies shake they hips and wiggle they tits
Shit my niggas might bounce to this
Cuz everybody talking about that new sound crazy
But its still hip hop to me
What what

(chorus)

(3rd verse)
Let me have your muthafucking undivided attention
Its about time I set the muthafuckin record straight
Now its obvious who smokes the most and the best weed
And its obvious who got the most and the finest hoes
And its obvious whos gonna get the props in 2000 one!
2012 come watch me
Shine in the new millenium yeah
I think your fine baby
Nah you aint my baby
You think Im crazy nah nah no
Muthafucking way fuck tomorrow fuck today
Fuck yo scandalous ass and yo scandalous ways
Fuck you momma and the ho she raised - what!

(chorus)

i love the smell of burnt toast in the morning

well, ok, its afternoon. i'm not going to lie. i got up at noon. i deserved it. just the right amount of beer last night coupled with some reading until well into the am, plus a night cap of scotch, found me going to bed at 4:30am. i couple more hours and i'd have been awake for 24. i bought a toaster monday night, to go along with my toaster struddles i bought the previous week. i forgot i didnt have a toaster. today was the first day i've used it. needless to say, i had to hit the struddles with a knife to knock the really burnt part of the crust into the sink. ahh well, for $6, i shouldn't complain too much. i havent had toaster struddles in such a long time. i used to grub on that shit all the time as a kid, in the morning before going to school. strawberry is the way to go. its $$ in the bank. too bad they arent filling whatsoever. guess i'll have to eat some cottage cheese and fruit for that.

i get paid to fuck around and listen to music

so, this job is as boring as can be. i'm waiting for an email from the government, so i continue in my mission to see the end of the internet. today, i've been reading my old blog, form a couple years ago. getting a helluva laugh. specifically when i posted the chat log with emily on the blog and people commented on it. i might put that up here for shits and giggles sooner or later. here is a jewel i found that still applies to all things in my life, so i wanted to discuss it again, and update it some. its about music, which, at this new job, has been a life saver/time killer. i've always said music is the soundtrack to my life. never before has it been more apparent than with the development of the website, pandora.com... i love this website. i've finally listened to this station long enough and given it enough feedback that it pretty much plays music i really like.

music is the soundtrack to life. why do you think people play music when they have sex? well, besides having it playing to cover up the oohs and ahhs so your roommates, dormmates, guy in the next room at the fraternity house, people in the library, etc dont hear. but really, you play music so when you hear that song at a later time it reminds you of that enjoyable time. i just heard a song i haven't heard in years. i was instantly taken back to junior year of high school while on the bus to a soccer game. one of the best times ever. unfortunately, it works in opposite ways as well. someone dies, you get dumped, you fail a test, etc etc. the song you first hear playing can instantly remind you of that terrible time. you win some, you lose some, i say. fortunately for me, my life has many more good moments than bad, and the bad ones i'm over now. i wouldn't be the person i am today without all the experiences i've had in the past. i'm glad music was there for those experiences to remind me of times long past. that way, i dont forget, and let history repeat itself. wouldn't want that. i love music.

the end of the world?

what the hell is going on in the world? i fear the apocalypse may be near. perhaps it is time to pray. the canadian loonie is now worth more than the US dollar. wtf?

i love downum and nay nay

so i'm talking to downum, and he was reading my law of attraction post. i guess i should title this one cost of a women. this is basically a follow up, stemmed from the conversation at the end of this post. basically, if you look at this from a purely sexual viewpoint, as downum most certainly does, you calculate all the money and time you spend on your woman, versus how many times you sleep with her. that would be your average cost of sex per time. if a hooker is cheaper, it makes sense. if a hooker is more expensive, at least you get variety. per nathan, then again, rosy palm is always cheap and available. and she knows what i like. maximum efficiency on time spent and enjoyment gained.


[(AMT $$ SPENT) + (VALUE TIME LOST)] / # OF TIMES HUMPED = AVG COST OF HUMPAGE
IF AVG COST HUMPAGE < AVG COST OF HOOKER, GET HOOKER.
IF AVG COST HUMPAGE = AVG COST OF HOOKER, STRANGE > SAME, GET HOOKER
----------------------------
justin: "greedy materialistic prostitute" Classic!!!!

me: the stuff i am ashamed of isnt in there
haha
seriously
buy a chicks drinks, dinner, maybe get laid
same as a hooker

justin: no doubt!

me: look at the time + money investment in any gf, and the ratio to times sexxed
determine your avg cost of sex
see if a hooker is cheaper
and bam
wow
i have to write this in my blog

justin: hookers are by far a better investment!!!

miscommunication

so, last night in class, i was bored, so i started talking to people on AIM. i talked to a girl here in law school, about all sorts of random stuff. somehow, we got on the subject of judging people based on 1st impressions and stereotypes. long story short, she ended up pointing out that at the halloween party last week i said something to her, which as it was given, a compliment, but as it was taken, an insult. now, this girl is a cutey. and all in all, from what i know thus far, a cool chick; intelligent, cute, smartass, drinks skinny cubans and wine like a champ (yes yes, i know, the perfect girl for me, so refrain from commenting as such). now, at the halloween party, in my drunken state, i said to her, "if you weren't you, i would totally try to sleep with you." now this was because of her hot little costume. some sort of snow white something or another. now, she took this comment as a "i would not sleep with you." where, i intended it as a "if you were cool and attractive, and someone i would potentially date in the future, i would totally try to have a 1-4 night stand with you." ahh, the joys of miscommunication.

monsters, nutter butter, and booze, oh my!

i went to the game in fayetteville this weekend. had a blast. dmac is a monster. friday night rode up to the game with kyler, he dropped me off at brandon's. met b and dave at the bar. had a good time. funny side note... b made a fake parking pass for daves apartment complex right on dickson. he had one in his car and had me grab one so i could park there also. as i pull in, i sent him a text message saying "im at the house of hebrew." since dave is jewish. well, i go to z330 and have a drink, then we go back across the street to dave's to take some shots. funniest part is, got dave a jewish flag and put it up on the wall. so me not knowing this, and calling it the house of hebrew, makes it hilarious. anyway, sat we pull over some trees with a water hose and a truck. yes alcohol was involved. but we needed wood for the bonfire, and we didnt want this dead tree to fall on the fence at b's. we head to the game, to do some tailgating. drink plenty, and go to the game. we beat the pants off of south carolina. i am happy for the players this past weekend considering how they beat SC down. they needed a win, and it was probably dmac and felix last game in fay. they deserve the win.

unfortunately, all the nutt huggers come out from under the rock, and tell us people who hate nutt how great he is after this big win. we should have beat this team no matter what. SC is the whipping post of the SEC, next in line to be a mississippi school. where were these huggers when nutt choked in the 4th quarter against bama, kentucky, and auburn. nowhere to be found. i'm trying not to care, but after watching saturday's game, i'm pissed off. why am i mad when we have such a dominant win? because the second half of this game was pure nuttball. we have one of the msot talented teams in the country. saturday night proved that. this is the same team that gave up 3 sec losses. saturday night, nutter butter busted out Gus' playbook, which was used last year to beat ass, to put up some points. he then switched back to his style of play with 2 mins left in hte half, as was evident by his poor clock management. it was back to pure nuttball. which was 0 wins in october in 2003, 2004, and 2005. right now, as i've said before, we should be undefeated, and in the NC title hunt. how can we start ranked, and not be #2, if not #1 in the country right now, if we go undefeated. nutt has kept us from that. his poor coaching and play calling is what did it. off field bs aside, he is a terrible coach.

2006, hogs had 10 straight wins. we were a contender for the NC. then, in the SC game, nutt goes back to nuttball, and while we win against tenn, they sucked, so we lose to LSU. we lose to florida, and lose ot wisconsin. with the most talented athlete arkansas has ever seen. we could have vieed for the NC last year, and this year. it could have been the hogs beating the shit out of ohio state for the NC. now, we return the same talent, minus mitch and damian, and cant win shit. nutter butters big fucking ego just wont let arkansas win if it isnt him calling the plays. that fucking pisses me off.

so i ride back to little rock sunday morning, happy for a win, but pissed off. the worst part is this win might be enough to bring nutt back for yet another year of disappointment. and there will be no dmac or felix. we will maybe win 5 games. fuck