when (if) i get married, i want to do this

my friend brittany sent me this video. i think it is awesome. i really havent dont much work today...

i <3 internets

pandora seemed to think i would like this song, as it plays it about twice a day while im at work. pandora was right, again. this video kind of sucks, but the song is good.

america is fucking fat and lazy, and i have the cure

its called adderall. as i slowly start to think about what i want to have for lunch today, i realized, wow, the only thing i had to eat yesterday was a stick of string cheese. im not even really hungry yet, but i am sure i will be by noonish or 1. additionally, i got a ton of work done yesterday. they should sell it over the counter, and america would be far less fat and far less lazy. i still stand by my future business plan of putting vending machines in at college campuses across the country that only sell vicodin and adderall. maybe they could sell packs of marlboro green also. i would be so rich.

nice people left in the world

so traffic in little rock pretty much sucks. this morning, as i'm taking the main st to 630 exit, a nice girl stopped and let me pull out in front of her. this intersection is all weird, so its a pain in the ass to get out. first time that has happened, because you cross traffic coming off the interstate, and all these assholes are in a huge hurry to get downtown to their high rise jobs. this morning made me smile. thanks nice girl.

rock out with your sock out

so, i've been meaning to write this post for a while now. just havent had time. not that i have time now, but i'll sleep when im dead. back in the day, we used to have a metal band. ya, i know, who would have thought it, my ass being in a rock band? i just downloaded the new mudvayne cd, so i guess i am inspired. too bad i dont have any photos of that time we played a mudvayne song in suits. im about to seriously date myself, and put some pictures up here of me back when i was sickly skinny, and young, and innocent. ahh well, i really do think this band is the reason i stayed alive through high school. if i would have discovered all the dumb shit i could have been doing, i probably would have been out of control. instead, i was just drinking everclear, chasing it with smirnoff ice, and rocking out at "the farm" in high school. and we would sometimes go to walmart at the wee hours of the morning and buy ignorant shit. anyway, to go with the pictures you are about to see, enjoy some music from back in the day. I expect comments from Lee, Darnold, Kas, and Will, at a minimum.
"Listen (feel you)" live from a longass time ago
Psychotic Fantasiesbefore i found Jesus, i found the devil
All the Years aka The Graduation Song just for you lee. lets go to lunch on friday. crazees, and i'll tell you about crazy. we wrote this and recorded it all in the same hour. i cant sign worth a damn, but if you think i give a fuck, you are mistaken
Obsessive. Can't remember writing the lyrics to this song. yea, i can still do the really deep scream, i figured it out in the car the other day
Baby Got Back. hahahahaha. we sucked

Sooner that later I'm going to make a myspace page for all of this.

i was just a little baby, ok, like 16. i still have this shirt. it actually fits now.


back in the days before we were all corrupt, we were just writing songs about being corrupt


yea, i have a dickie suit. i wonder where that thing is now... like it would fit


check out our sweet logo. i have been looking for new tattoo ideas...


i'm fred durst bitchs. thank god i have drugs to keep me from actually going bald like that dousche


Yea, we made all the bitches cry. i think it was because someone at our school died earlier that week.



yea, we made shirts.


look at this sexy piece of man meat, and i dont mean the fag playing keyboard


i dont want to work, i just want to bang on my drum all day. note the jorts. must hide the ass sweat that tends to accumulate when you play drums on the 4th of july


tommy used to want to do the other chick. ha ha ha. definitely made a much better choice, my friend


and... they got married. again, not the fag playing keyboard. awwwwww


have i moved into delirious mode. probably. but my break is going to last a little longer. time to cook some eggs.

nothing quite says productive

like an academic steroid. i seriously think i need this in general for me to functional. im only updating this a few times because i really need a break from my memo, and that is the purpose this blog serves. i have just over 12 hours left to finish this beast, and only a few more things to add, and possible some dissent cases, and possible some statue that i just discovered tonight, but that i may not put in, because it may not apply to my state. fucking legal writing...

blame it on the drugs, everyone else does

i went to some stores this afternoon to pick up a few things. i spent over 100 dollars at walmart, yet i was still able to go through the express lane. how is this possible? its that time of month where i fill my 2 prescriptions that cost me way too much damn money. im contemplating stopping taking them, but then i would go bald and go crazy. i would like to do one of those detox programs over christmas break. ya know, eat lots of fruit and stop drinking caffeine and whatever other chemicals are in the body. perhaps i'll do it for new years. i've gone off sodas before, but now isnt the time, especially since i can barely motivate myself to do my damn homework as it is. i am going to need that caffeine really soon.

its a celebration bitches

looks like nutter butter will not be returning as head coach of my hogs next year. there is a football God. football is really fucking up my whole memoing plan. ahh well, i work better under pressure.

here in my car, I feel safe in my car

so, I have a ton of homework to do, what should I do, besides his homework, who knows? Last night driving back to Little Rock from my parents, I had an epiphany. My grandmother lives out of the way, going back to Little Rock from there, butshe is really old, so I went down and plus I saw a lot of my family. Anyway, my mom and brother left at the exact same time that I left her house and my mom said to me, you better not make it back to Little Rock before I make it back home. in my head and thinking damn, she knows a speed a lot. So I think myself why do I speak so much? Really have determined that I hate driving. It took me half of the trip here to realize this driving gives me time to think about things that I wouldn't normally think about because my brain is always doing something else. Driving is a mindless endeavor. So I really don't have to think about anything else, especially in regards to actually drive. I don't like driving because I think about stuff that depresses me. Lots of questions run through my head: what I'm going to do with my life? Am I in the right place? Is being an attorney my calling? what is it that I'm looking for? Am I going to die alone?these are just a few of the questions that my mind wanders towards. I think that's why a speed. A look at this pedometer and down I see I'm going to damn near hundred. Cars are blowing past me on the right side. I trust my radar detector. Probably a lot more than I should. But, without it, I have another 30 minutes of contemplating issues in life that I don't want to deal with right now. If I could only find a way to put my restless mind into doing this damn memo. I would have top paper.

yes I'm a bad ass.

test. So I'm in the process of updating this blog via my voice command software. I just got a new microphone and what I really need to be doing is working on my memo but I've decided to set this up instead. It had the software before and I used it with a omnidirectional microphone. Now I'm using it with a headset microphone that I can also use is called you on Skype's reflecting pool present up my pants. As you can see I haven't quite worked out all the bugs. Nonetheless I hope to have this up and running by the end of the night. I really should've set this up prior to starting my memo but there's nothing I can do about that now.

spilled milk

i was having an interesting conversation with someone earlier. it threw me for a loop at first, but after thinking about it for a bit, i came to a realization. i'll explain. basically, there is this girl who i've been talking to, hanging out with, whatever. i'm into her, but to what extent, i dont know, hell its early, but she is definitely cool and there is definitely attraction on my part. im trying something new here. its basically full disclosure. you want to know something, just ask. im not saying im going to volunteer certain information, but its not something i am going to fudge or avoid or pretend it didnt happen or whatever, because i've done that, tried that; it didnt work. so, i'm being true, open, honest, whatever you want to call it. if someone cant want me for who i am, then i dont need to want them to begin with. maybe i will, maybe i wont, but with me, what you see is what you get. anyway, so she says she cant let herself like me because of school and blah blah blah... ya ya, fuck that. i like to cliff jump, and i can equate this to it. i jump in head first, not knowing how deep the water is. i dont want to bust ass, but if i do, hopefully the freefall is worth it. so basically she decides i think she is a complete bitch for telling me she doesnt know if she likes me or the attention that i give her or for actually being me. at first, i do think that. i'm kinda like, wow, ok, fuck wasting my time with this one. its kinda like being told you are going to start for the team just because there is no one else around who wants to play. but then i think about it for a second, and i'm like, wait a minute.... fuck that. why should i be mad or think she is a bitch? i mean, no sense in crying over spilled milk if you've never tasted it. but, what if milk is the greatest thing to ever touch your lips? besides, pick me or the attention i give, i dont care. the attention i give is me. thats just what i do. i think im a pretty good person, so im just going to keep doing what im doing, and let my awesomeness overwhelm any of these doubts that she is just into my attention. im worth a lot more than that.

puppy love

well, im at mom and dads now. where i grew up. this place will always be 'home' but it just doesnt feel like it anymore. i love my family. and i like drinking all my dads beer and wine, since he has soo much, he will never miss it. hhahah. max is a traitor. he loves my mom more than me. ii love this dog, though. his devotion got me through some pretty rough times. dogs really are mans best friend. thats why it has been so hard to leave him here this year. dogs dont question your decisions, they dont feel the need to tell you you are wrong or you are stupid for caring or whatever. dogs just want your companionship. they just want to be near you. they can tell when you are sad or happy. sometimes i wonder what he is thinking. who knows? if he is capable of love, he loves me and my family. if he is not capable, he at least recognizes where the food and affection comes from.

i need the rock

i really should sleep more. i find myself up late, and getting up early. i cant wait for the holiday. i want to do a bunch of drugs and sleep for 12 hours. my parents will have the hook up in their medicine cabinet for some drugs that will make me sleep. if that doesnt work, there is always the option of getting excessively carb loaded on the shit that you eat with turkey, and passing out watching football. seems like a good plan for 1 entire day. so this morning, as i am semi comatose, trying to make maps and shit and actually do work, i find myself sleepy. so i just bought a coke, and put in some rock music. rock will keep me awake. here is what i am rocking.

i forgot about this song until pandora reminded me


this bitch is hot


i'll try to find out what makes you tick


this song seems like the story for life

all i can say is, wow

you guys are fags. the fact that i know you guys, is sad. i expected nick the dick to use this as an opportunity to grab himself, but as for the rest of you.... fags. i honestly expected this little dance to last for 10 seconds then to see a pumpkin exploded, since i heard you guys were blowing up pumpkins, as i talked to nick at 4 am trying to find some study drugs for someone. they should have never taught us this dance for greek sing.

despite all my rage, i am still just a rat in a cage

yesterday, i get back from spa city at 1, by 2, im in the car, headed to ft smelly to meet willy b to go to dallas to the smashing pumpkins concert. will and his girlfriend, brittney, who is a fucking see you in tee, broke up, and he was bummed out. they were suppose to go to the concert in dallas together. he was like, i guessim just not going and will eat these tickets. me, being awesome, wanting to cheer him up, or at least take his mind off her bitchass, says, fuck it, i'll meet you in ft smith in 2 hours and we will go to dallas. my only stipulation was he had to drive so i could do work, which i did none of, because reading in a car gives me a headache, and so i could sleep on the way back, which i did little to none of. maybe an hour, 2 if im being generous. the show was great. pumpkins covered iron man and joan jett's i love rock n roll. i liked that shit a lot. pumpkins are old as fuck, we decided, but they still have it. nokia theater wasnt really conducive to a kick ass concert, but it was still a good show. dallas traffic was a bitch, and whatnot.

so, here is the meat of this. im glad will and his old lady broke up. i know it hurts, and lord knows i've had one or four, but if its not meant to be, and you just arent happy, sometimes you have to just cut lose. staying together for the sake of convinence is just stupid. ya, i know we are getting older, and i know people who have the mentality of 'we are too old. i cant find anyone better. i dont want to try.' etc etc. a good friend of mine, who fights with his girl a lot, once said to me, 'man, me and em are starting to remind me of you and katie.' in my head, im thinking, great, im glad im the guy who sets the standard amongst our group of friends as being the one who stayed in a relationship far too long for convenience. i guess if they can learn from watching my mistakes, better me than them, since it already has happened to me. too bad they are still together and will probably get married, because i dont think they will be happy. who knows, i could be completely wrong, but still, at least i'm moving forward.

my dad will kill your dad

i got to hang out with my friend john this weekend. i miss this guy. we've had a lot of fun over the years, and done a lot of dumb shit. he let the 3 amigos take his explorer on a 5000 mile road trip without hesitation, when we asked if we could borrow it the night before. if he knew how much drinking and driving and vicodin was involved, he would have consented anyway. thats why i love that guy. sat night, we were all fucked up, and somehow started talking about the vietnam war, and how my dad and i used to watch movies and he would tell what was accurate and what wasnt, because he did all teh fucked up shit like shoot kiddies strapped with bombs and burn villiages and stuff. so john, being a ho chi minh, asks, "so if i come to you house will your dad flashback and shoot me?" answer... maybe. who knows? my dad is crazy. after that comment, we just couldnt stop with the john eats dogs jokes, especially since my adopted mom may as well be the dog whisperer. their 7dogs could pull her on a skateboard easily.

i start shit with or without an accomplice and run the guantlet with whoever that wants this

football season is drawing to a close. i'm sad. saturday marked the last little rock game of the year, and possibly the last game i will be attending unless the hogs go to the liberty bowl in memphrica and then maybe i'll go to that one. so, friday night, me and 3 folks from class do dinner. we each cook something, but really it was just me (+1) and one girl cooking shit, while others brought drinks. nonetheless, it was good, and then tripleD picks me up and we head down to spa city. we hit some bar with the family called the big chill. little dive hole in the wall, but has cheap drinks. arrive back at 2isham, get in a freezing ass hot tub for a bit, then decide to hit the hay around 3. morning comes, and i wake up early, as always. me and ddd go to the liquor store to get champaign to make mimosas, and they day begins. looking back, the next morning, on the ride back to little rock, ddd says, 'you know, the only non alcoholic beverages we had yesterday were the oj in the mimosas and the coke in the rum and coke." (-1) we laugh, and reflect on how awesome we are. (-1) anyway, story continued, we have an awesome keish breakfast with oj am cocktails, make a rum drink and hit the road. (-1) traffic was a bitch. glad i wasnt driving. (+1)

as we sit in traffic waiting to get on the golf course, the pounding of beers begin in the car. (-1) ddd has to pee really bad, so he gets out and pees on the side of a fence, with probably a couple hundred people watching. he doesnt care, more people than that have seen is dick anyway. we dont call him dirty dick downum for nothing. hahaha. anyway, finally we get in the gold course, get parked, have a few cocktails, meet up with mrs g. and ho chi minh, from some teachers meeting they were at, and proceed to walk toward the game, after pounding 3 more beers and mixing a rum drink, of course. i decide we need to go to the law school tailgate. actually, i decided this a long time ago (+1) and i was going regardless of whether the crew came or not. there was someone there i wanted to see. (+/-1) too bad i was all drunk and probably looked like an idiot. she keeps score so, -1 for me. i think i will continue to keep score throughout this post. perhaps even go back and add in scores. yea, i am. you will see a -1 or +1 throughout, where i think i would earn or lose points. yea. so anyway, someone in the crowds downum and i seperate from the rest of the gang and manage to find the law school tailgate. i have some bbq and chill for a bit and talk to some people, and see who i want to see, and then i run into a kid who i havent seen in like, 8 years. a friends little brother. he is really tall. he hands me a crown and coke and tells me to drink all if it, so i do. (-1)

downum and i make our way to the lca tailgate, and talk to papa rice for a minute, and he tells me some stuff about one of my littles, which i will deal with soon, (+1) and gives us directions to another buddies keg tailgate. so we head there and drink a few cups of ice cold keg beer and eat some hotdogs. into the game we go. this was the shorted game i've ever seen. by short, i mean, we were there for 5 mins of playing time. they have already closed the in gate. we arrive with 40 secs left in the 3rd quarter. i see dmac throw a td pass. we leave with over 9 mins left in the 4th. inside the game, i see a lot of people who i havent seen in a long time, guess that is the perks of the student section. then we make our way up to where the family is sitting and boom, there is nay nay. havnt seen this guy in 6 mos, since he moved to houston. he just got a new job and what not so came up to tie up some loose ends in arkansas. so, as we are leaving the game, i am wanting to go back to the law tailgate. nay says, hey, im going back to my parents tailgate, so you can just ride with me to hot springs and stay there as long as you want. crocodile. so back i go to the law tg. a good hour later b calls me and says he we are still here getting fucked up if i want to ride back with them and go to rocky's pizza in spa city, but i say im good, whatever. so, the law school tg winds down and i walk aub and kas to their car (+1) before i randomly see nay in his truck and jump in the car with him. we go pick up ho chi and why fee from christians and head to the spa. i think i've been drinking beer this entire time. i continue drinking beer in the car all the way to hot springs.

back in the spa, we realize it is 7pm. wtf? we think. how is it so early, and we are so drunk. (-1) i blame houston nutt. so we grill some burgs and make some cheesy fries and lay around trying to sober up. we put in die hard 4.0 and people slowly begin passing out. i do some serious texting throughout the movie, and decide to call some dinosaurs about half way through the movie. (+/-1) good thing there was plenty of food leftover. brandon's shirt that has become my game day shirt now will have a new spot, and needs to be washed. ha. so im not sure what time it is, but i have a big cuba libra and eventually get in bed with the jew around 1, continueing my texting madness. so, hereis where things get a little ridiculous, and no its not because im sharing a bed with dave. earlier in the day, the ex calls me, and tells me i should come see her on the golf course. pass. (+1) she then sends me about a million text messages telling me to come to river market with her and some other hos that night. pass, and go to spa city. (+1) now, sometime around 2am, phone rings, its jessica, i answer (-1), and shes all like, did you come back to little rock tonight? come to my hotel room, etc etc save you from the details etc. i hang up. (+2) dont fucking booty call me at 2 am unless your name is.... ha you thought i was going to throw that out there didnt you stalker? (-1) anyway, i go to bed. me and the jew spoon. ok not really. i wake up around 530. fuck. i lay in bed for hours thinking about stalker. finally i hear ddd stirring around and i get up. we proceed to be worthless for most of the morning. we cook breakfast. (+1) bacon, eggs, toast, etc etc, deliciousness. finally i go law on the fam's tanning bed downstairs before taking a shower and me and ddd hit the road. FUCK, i think. i left an entire half gallon of unopened rum at the house. (+/-1) it is almost a complete guarantee that i will never see that bad boy again. ahh well, its probably better that way. i have a lot of work to do. so, i arrive back in little rock around 1, before continuing my next adventure that puts me in dallas by 8:30pm, but i'll save that for another day.

maybe tonight in class i will tally up my score.

undecided who to vote for?

see who chuck norris approves

i'll fuck you till you love me, faggot

mike tyson is hilarious

all of us are searching for an open arm

so, i dont go to church often. yes, presently, im probably working towards a first class ticket to hell. :( at least all my friends will be there. ha. in all seriousness, i do listen to a lot of bible beater rock. i'm not sure if its because im feeling the need for something, or because they just rock. who knows. i've been listening to RED a lot. kyler, my mormon buddy, turned me on to them. here is a compilation of my favorite bands that bang their heads on a bible. and yes, i dont want to do any work today. i'd rather listen to music.



i need to go see this band live.


these guys used to be bible beaters. i saw them live once and they had a prayer on stage. dunno about anymore, but they rock. great chorus.

my friend lee

is a big fucking homo. the other day at lunch, he hyped this band, said how they were awesome, etc etc, and sent me a video. this is the weirdest shit i've ever heard, and one of the weirdest music videos i've ever seen. it cant hold a candle to weird shit in general that i've seen, but as far as a music video goes, its definitely top tier. since i've suffered through it, i figured i would put it up here, so other people could see the weirdness i've been exposed to. fucking homo. i could take a keyboard and bang on it and be able to create something better.

who im rocking to this morning

ive decided i like posting videos of this shit im listening to. feel free to disregard this, but everyone needs to know what i, the ultimate judge of good music, likes. one day i'll rock some sinatra and some country and justin timberlake, but today is not that day.

this is one of my fav bands. they are from jonesboro and used to be called logic 34. then they moved to memphis, then they moved to dfw. then i think they broke up. too bad. the almost this song is from is really good. look close, you might see some shit your recognize.


i've been listening to a lot of taproot lately. its like i rediscovered this band. i saw them with incubus and deftones 8 years ago. fuck im old. i recommend the song birthday also. someone once told me i used to look like this guy, back when i was really grossly skinny. i dont see it. thanks, beer.


chevelle has always rocked my shit. i saw them in fayettnam a few years ago. this album had just come out. when i randomly hear this band on the radio, it reminds me of that show, and the chick i went to see it with, who was not the girl i was supposed to be going to shows with, so i had to be all sneaky sneaky. hahaha. incorrigible... nah. terrible... back then, i suppose so.


this song is old as fuck

how to prevent a hangover

before you go out drinking, take a shitload of benadryll. this will allow you to get really fucked up on half the amount of booze as normal. after the night is said and done, and you successfully drive your fucked up ass home, have 2-4 excedrin, and down them with a bigass glass of orange juice. now, optionally, you might want to take a tagment to keep the oj from giving you heart burn in your sleep. i'm ready to rock and roll this morning.

eat your heart out vampires

i went to give blood this afternoon. unfortunately, i can't. one time, when i tried to give blood, i was turned away because i'd been to costa rica in the last year, and i visited all these horrible places that make you really sick. the time after that, i could give blood because i'd recently gotten a tattoo. this time, they still wont let me give blood. i did get a t-shirt though, because they offered and i was there so why not. i find it funny they they wont let gay people give blood. one of the things that bar you from giving blood is if you are a man who has had sex with another man since 1977, or something like that. since i dont poke dudes poopers, i just skimmed over that section. anyway, i have a deathly fear of needles, and i was pretty proud of myself for even going to do it. i was all ready to get stabbed in the arm with a needle. ohh well, just means if i decide to drink tonight, i wont get as fucked up easily.

how to turn 20 dollars into 100

its easy, you go to walmart hungry. i went there to buy just a few things: shampoo, bodywash, a hacksaw, and some coke. magically, i am leaving the store defeated, robbed of my hard earned 100 dollars. what do i have to show for it? bread, cheese, french bread (which i need for tommorrow), and laundry detergent. i decide to buy a shopping card and get some gas. i contemplated just getting a big one and paying over a lot of money to the man, but i said fuck it, im going to my parents next week, dad will give me his amex and let me buy lots of gas with it, so he can write it off on his taxes. so here i am, with a ton of crap, and i didnt even get a hacksaw. i planned to get some finger nail polish remover also, to put in my gas tank, but i figured i'd just wait and get some from my dads tank of acetone since im not going to buy gas today anyway. so i spent far too much money, on stupid shit. and, that doesnt even include the amount of money i spent at best buy prior to my hunger episode in walmart. fuck you walmart, for having everything. and fuck you for pumping your store full of delicious smells, most of which emanate from the deli. hey, at least now i've had a delicious sandwich. moral of the story, you can turn easily turn 20 dollars into 100, but you are getting fucked in the ass by sam either way.

what im rocking this morning

its morning. i cant sleep any more. im rocking on to some good shit, cleaning my house, waiting for best buy to open, so i can go buy some shit that i need. i am rocking some different shit this morning. enjoy

best Christian band ever. and the singer looks like my friend andy.


me, corky, and andy rocking it at the 30 seconds to mars concert not too terribly long ago


speaking of... jared leto is a badass


12 stones is a good band


i want to see this band

Music Video:

.

hed pe is always good

moldy bread

so i can't sleep. shocker. am i studying? fuck no. im watching tv and being worthless. i keep thinking about stuff that i shouldnt be concerned with. if i had a dime for every time that happened, i could retire today. ohh well. its a good thought, all around. so, what is one supposed to do late at night? well, i didnt eat dinner. so i had some blueberry waffles. yum eggo. ok, still hungry, i decide to make a sandwich. i gather up all the shit, get the meat and cheese and sandwich spread from the fridge, and go for the bread. low and behold, its green. i only bought this bread a few days ago. i may as well go on the fucking atkins diet. i just ate a sandwich, except instead of bread, i used 2 pieces of cheese. i think its about time to eat some sleeping pills.

this is for you, you sick fuck

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up down up down left right left right b a b a start

in regards to universities in america, no wonder people associate Berkeley with a bunch of dorks. i have to admit, this is one of the coolest videos i've seen. yes, i was in band, yes i played video games as a kid, yes i am a dork. but you are going to waste 6 minutes of your life seeing how cool this video is.



Here are a couple more good ones that I stumbled across.

25 things that you learn from google trends

Saw this and thought I would put it on here.

So I saw this "25 things I learned from Google Trends" and thought it was so dead boring that I'd do my own instead. Let's see...

1. Ass to Mouth, which is growing in popularity, is most searched for in Tampa, FL.
2. Beastiality is by a wide margin most popular in Brisbane, Australia.
3. Child porn is extremely popular across Turkey, but is also searched for most often in Auckland, New Zealand.
4. Escorts are most sought out in Italy, the United Kingdom, France, Belgium, and Sweden, in that order. I suppose if I was in Sweden I might enjoy an escort.
5. If you're searching for a sex slave, you're probably doing it in Irvine, California.
6. If you're simply seeking sex (of any sort), you're most likely in Cairo, Egypt (followed by a series of cities in India).
7. Lesbian porn is most sought in Brisbane, Australia.
8. Donkey sex is most searched for in the amusingly titled Lahore, Pakistan, as well as a host of Indian cities... oh, and Denver, CO.
9. Blowjobs are searched for more in Chicago than anywhere else.
10. Viagara is desperately needed in Buffalo, NY, by a wide margin...
11. ...but if you spell it Viagra, you're probably from Brentford, UK.
12. If all you want is boner you're from Minneapolis, MN, but the more polite erection seekers are from Melbourne, Australia.
13. Gay sex is most popular in Birmingham, UK.
14. But gay escorts are all the rage in Torino, Milan, and Rome, Italy.
15. Fisting is searched for most in Zurich, Switzerland.
16. Cow sex is searched for most in Chennai, Delhi, and New Delhi, India. It's also quite popular in Atlanta, Georgia.
17. If you want hairy pussy you're probably in Delhi, India, but if you want shaved pussy you're likely in Brisbane, Australia.
18. If you're looking for information on premature ejaculation, you're likely in Perth, Australia.
19. Rim jobs are apparently enjoying a spike of popularity in the small town of Kitchener, Ontario.
20. If you're looking for rape, you're most likely in one of four Indian cities, followed by Philadephia, PA in fifth place.
21. If you're looking for an ass fuck, you're probably in Athens, Greece.
22. Facial cumshots are most sought in Montreal, France.
23. Punk porn would probably sell best in Seattle, WA.
24. Anal sex is most searched for in Miami, Florida, and Ankara, Turkey.

25. Oh, and if you're searching for Google's help on torture, you're probably in Washington, DC.

i dont want to work, i just want to bang on my drum all day

last night, i got my memo #2 back. i was pleased with the result. now, i tried to convince someone to hang out with me, but they were far too lame. now i am forced to blame them for my hangover today that is inevitably on its way. anyway, they sucked, so i commenced celebrating a good grade. jack, grube, mchottie, and myself went to a skanky dive bar. midtown. i've been there before. actually, a few times with sam. definitely an after hours joint. stays open till 5am. thank god we left at 2. 9-2 at the bar makes 8am at work difficult. i walk in this morning, and sandy, a secretary here, asks if im ok, i say yes why? and she says my eyes are really bloodshot. luckily, i put in my contacts this morning, so that is my excuse. i have no excuse for why my jeans smell like a cigarette. i can smell them while im sitting here. i think she is on to me that i am still drunk. i would have gone to jail if i'd been pulled over on the way to work. im sobering up now, and this dr pepper and excedrin are the last line of defense between me and a hangover. anyway, so we bullshit for a long time and have too many beers and all of a sudden its 2am, and there is the band yellowcard. they played a show next door at juanitas. too bad they are gay, and suck. might have been worth an autograph if that werent the case.

i heart you

i finally got something on the refrigerator. not mine, but someone elses. the other weekend when i was in fay for the hog game, i borrowed darnold's id to get in the game. well, i ended up leaving early sunday morning and forgot to take it out of my wallet. that said, i mailed it back to him. along with the id i decided to write him a note saying things. well, i couldnt find anything in reach on my desk other that some magic markers that i bought for my Teach for America presentation forever and a day ago. thank god i didnt accept that position. south dakota sucks. anyway, i had all these random colors of markers, and the ones that were actually useful have been used, but the gay colors have not. since these were the only thing in reach, i decided, fuck it, i'll just use these. well, i decided to make a really gay not to send to darnold, since i had the gay colors, and since he is my little bro and has a fucked up sense of humor, just like me. that said, he hung it on his refrigerator, and sent me some photos.

death and dying

i dont like death. sure, its a natural progression in the grand scheme of things, but its just something that is hard for people to deal with. a girl i used to know was just killed in a car wreck. now, i say know, but really i just know a lot of her best friends and sorority sisters, and have hung out with her some through them. still, i feel for all the people who i am still close to that are affected by her death. i think back to when someone i cared for died and how fucked up that had me and our circle, and i am sure they are feeling the same way. so, i look up this girl in facebook, and i see of course, people writing on her facebook wall. i think people doing this is a good and bad thing, but you have to choose your words wisely. im all for the heart-felt messages that you wish you could have said to the person while they were still alive, but don't say things like, "you are in a better place. I can't wait until I get to see you again!" seriously, you can't wait until you die so you can maybe go to heaven and see that person again? i hope i can wait at least another 70 or 80 years until i get to see those i've lost again. if something should happen to me in the next few years, dont tell me you can't wait to see me. wait as long as you can, because its not like im going anywhere.

big words make little people

i was called a big word tonight. incorrigible. i am not going to lie, i looked it up, because i thought it meant "not change," which it sort of does, but this dictionary.com definition is horrible.
incorrigible:
1. bad beyond correction or reform
2. impervious to constraints or punishment; willful; unruly; uncontrollable
3. firmly fixed; not easily changed
4. not easily swayed or influenced


i think perhaps the only definition that can be interpreted as good is #4. i also think that perhaps all these can apply to me, but in moderation. #1) am i bad beyond correction or reform? probably. but not in regards to anything really bad. maybe just my love for rum. #2) am in impervious to constraints or punishment? only when im doing something involved in #1. #3) am i not easily changed? who knows, no one has ever tried. #4) am i not easily swayed or influenced? isnt this an oxymoron? if i were not easily influenced, would i now be bad beyond correction? someone had to put the cocktail in my hand. regardless, noone is perfect. but, that old saying, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me," is a crock of shit. luckily, i think her calling me incorrigible was a joke. :)

not now chief, im in the fucking zone

so, i finally cut my hair. shit has been growing for a year. i just couldnt handle it anymore. i told dave i was getting a haircut, and he said i should cut it like a guido. i laughed and told him now, and he sends me a text message while im getting it cut asking if i want to go to the game next weekend as razorback guidos. i told him if i can find a hog button down, i'd consider it. i'd only consider it because he has that badass jersey accent and if he wasnt jewish, he might be italian and be a guido. who knows? that said, i wanted to post this video up here again, just because its so funny. it has had over 4 millions views since the last time i put it up here, so i guess im not the only on who thinks its hilarious.

some days

yea, so i got up early, and was productive. i went to church, i ran, i unpacked a bunch of shit in my apartment, and i had a kickass dinner. if only i'd have done some of my homework. no luck there, but thats ok, there is always tomorrow. i havent been to church in so long, i can barely remember the last time i went. im probably going to hell. be that the case, i may as well do all sorts of really bad things so i get a first class ticket. :)

clothing of character

its 76 degress outside. why its hot, in november, i have no clue. however, i am not complainging. nonetheless, i wore shorts this afternoon. i went to put on a pair of my khaki shorts, which the last time were worn was at the last little rock game. now, this past summer, i've had some shorts issues. the holes in my favorite pair won, and i opted to throw them out, as opposed to walk around showing half of my ass to anyone who may be behind me. not that i mind so much, because i have a hard, according to tommy, but the other people might mind, and while i normally wouldnt give a fuck, i was feeling somewhat considerate. now, my 2nd favorite pair, also have an issue. they seem to allow my balls to breathe much better than any normal pair of shorts. this is due to a hole that needs to be fixed. on that note, i miss my friend leah, and its not because she always sewed up all my shit for me.

anyway, back to my shorts that i wore at the last little rock game. it all started friday afternoon. brandon called and said, hey, you want to come down to hot springs and get fucked up tonight? sure i do. i had not seen in him a while, and he really is my partner in crime most of the time, so off i go to hot springs friday night. we have some scotch, and kick it till the wee hours of the morning. saturday comes, and we have breakfast and mimosas. 11am, time to make a rum drink. its game day baby, why not? we decide that as opposed to drive 2 vehicles to little rock, i'll just stay saturday night in hot springs after the game. so, we head to little rock, mimosa made, rum ready, and stocked up on ice and beer. i didnt bring a hog shirt with me to hot springs, so i wear one of brandons. we meet brandon's parents for lunch on the golf course, and then stumble around talking to people. i get a student ticket from a fraternity brother, and we head into the game, nice and hammered, right before kickoff. we are playing some bullshit team, so i could care less about getting a good seat. my actually memory of the game itself is vague, but i do remember some guy telling us to sit down and us telling him where to go and what to do when he gets there. seth eventually meets us, and at some point it gets dark, and we go outside to the lca tailgate. my little bro gives us a bunch of beer, and we drink it and hang out until late. somehow, we convince seth to come back to hot springs, and we stop by wendy's. we go to the med school to try to get will from studying to come to hot springs, but the doors are locked, so seth is unable to drunkenly stumble through med school to find will. so, that said, we grub on a shitload of wendy's and head down i35 toward spa city.

half way there, i realize, i am going to puke. "I'm going to throw up," i announce to the car, and i take the wendy's sack and pretend im in an airplane. now, all would have been fine and dandy, except wendy's sacks are weak. i mean really weak. as im about to throw the sack of yack out the window, i feel warmth on my lap, and look down to notice the bottom of the sack has blow out, and im covered in my own vomit. dammit, i think to myself. so im scooping puke off me and throwing it out the window. i tell brandon to stop. and i get out on the side of the interstate, strip down to my boxers, and we continue on. i have some more beer, because i have a hideous taste in my mouth. seth and b laugh the entire way, wishing they had brought a camera. at some point, i remember telling b we are going really fast, and he guns it and announces to the car how he just hit the governor on his 4runner for the 1st time. 107mph. i shouldnt be alive. anyway, i throw my vomit covered clothing in the washer and wash them, then we get in the pool and continue boozing until the sun damn near came up. the next morning, mrs crawford cooked breakfast, thankfully. i dry my clothes, we watch most of the nascar race, and seth and i head back to little rock. now, i have since washed these shorts twice, and they still are full of character. by character, i mean a big puke stain. i am going to attempt to bleach them at some point, but that may fuck them up even more. brandon's truck was covered in what looked like concrete, but was actually puke, on the passenger side. we all got a good laugh out of that. i got some solace for my drunken state when brandon sent me a txt on his way back to fay saying he had to pull over and throw up. will there be a repeat of this chain of events this coming saturday? i hope not, but if so, maybe it will be warm enough to warn my shorts of character, so just in case, i wont fuck up anymore clothes.

maybe i should have been a mexican drug dealer

so, i got this email forwarded to me with these pictures from a mexican drug dealers house that got raided. have these mother fuckers never heard of a bank? stupid mexicans. nonetheless, what a shitload of money. you know those cops skimmed some off the top, since they are most certainly dirty. this should cover some of what mexico owes the US...

W

i stumbled across this little gem this morning, and found it quite humorous. personally, i think i'd rather pull out. :)



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fuck corporate america

it has come to my attention that the entire world is controlled by corporate america. more specifically, it is controlled by companies that produce products that contain a legal, yet addictive drug. these drugs are caffeine and nicotine. what is worse, society conforms to the demands made by the consumers of these products. thats why you see the tall ash try type things with sand in them outside buildings, or the smokers stations, or whatever you throw cigarette butts in. also, thats why there is a damn soda machine in almost every building in the US. it makes no difference how much it costs, people still buy the shit and need the shit, myself included. this morning, when i go to get my every morning coca cola classic, i put in my dollar, push the button for my refreshing cold beverage, and wait. nothing happens. i push the button again. still nothing. mother fuck, i think, this piece of shit just took my dollar. i push the refund button, and out pops my dollar. i'll try this again, i think to myself. put the dollar in, still the same. it is only then that i notice the tiny stick in the upper right hand corner of all the selections that says 1.15. wtf? i think to myself. how dare these bastards raise the costs of a soda by 15%. i know gas is expensive as fuck, but does it really cost that much more to bring me this drink. inflation is also a factor, but still, i dont carry around an extra dime and nickel just for shits and giggles. luckily, i had one of each in my car, so i can enjoy this tasty treat, which is about the only thing keeping me awake.

yea, its late

no, i dont know how i stumbled across this. yes, its funny. fuck you if you dont like it. these are comedy porn titles

http://www.starma.com/penis/daddyswank/daddyswank.html

A few of my favorites:
8 Mile Cock
American History XXX
Armaget-it-on
Booty and the Beast
Cunt Hardly Wait
Done In 60 Seconds

Ok, i cant list anymore. im laughing my ass off. time for bed. read for yourself.

must be some good stuff

so, there is this guy in my class, who drinks more diet pepsi jazz than i even knew existed. every day, he has 4. thats a shitload. he is very methodical about how he drinks them, how he lines them up by his computer, etc. very ocd. hes a nice guy though, but i couldnt help take a picture of it to put on my blog.

everyone has a little closet freak in them

i listen to fucked up music. i find it entertaining. i have a wide variety of musical tastes. is ranges from deftones to taylor swift (who i want to make babies with) to r. kelly to TI to korn to tool to the beatles to earth wind and fire to elvis. elvis to evil is a good summation of my music collection. i've been to a shitload of shows, and seen everything from an on stage prayer to a guitar playing getting naked and humping his guitar on stage, to a guy getting out the biggest blunt i've ever seen, and smoking it on stage. last night, at the bar, i had on a (hed)pe or Hed P.E. or whatever the hell their name is now shirt. to my surprise, a girl who was out last night new this specific band, and threw out the name of a specific song, Crazy Legs. now, this is possibly one of the most fucked up songs by this band. well, i take that back, some of their new shit is far more fucked up, if that is possible. (click here for the intro to one of there albums released since then. its called foreplay.) i'll copy down the lyrics at the end of this and you can judge for yourself. anyway, i've decided that everyone has a little freak in them, and enjoys listening to some fucked up music. me, im just more open about it. this band rocks. see more at their myspace page and hell here is a link to crazy legs. Crazy Legs

Crazy Legs
-----------
I Come into your house make love to your spouse
Fuck her in the mouth then Im out what
These type of things happens all the time
You trying to get yours but Im a kill for mine
Nigga nigga nigga a nigga please
I strap on a jimmy
Cuz I dont want a disease
Baby likes it when I come inside
I come into your house and take your daughter for a ride
Now how you gonna slow me down
Show me how you heard about my theory now
Feel me now busta
you dealing with the microphone crusher
Amateurs fold under pressure
Yeah roll up that blunt now
Lay yo guns down who be the one now
Out of town before sun down o.k. corral
You gonna slow me down bitch show me how

You gonna slow me down show me how
You gonna slow me down show me how
You gonna slow me down show me how
You gonna slow me down bitch show me how
Whooooa
Where my dogs at
Where my girls at
Where da whiskey at me let me hit some of that
Im a drink my wine and smoke my weed
Im a fuck that honey from behind
This is until she screams
Oh yeah hell yeah
Theres a party over here party over there
Rebels throw you fist in the air
Bitches throw your tits in the air

(chorus)2x
Hed p.e. cant you see
Sometimes your shit just hypnotize me
And I just love your freaky ways
M.c. my love is here to stay
M.c.o.d. oh cant you see
Sometimes you shit just hypnotize me
And I just love your freaky ways
Hed p.e. my love is here to stay

(2nd verse)
You heard about that shit that we do
You heard about the sex and the drugs and the violence
Its all true
I heard about your puss ass crew
Cross over corporate take down take two
Huh you running out of time now
You all mine now lights out
You fat muthafucker watch me shine now
You fat ass
You wanna show me down show me how
You heard about my theory now fear me now
Cuz aint no way that the shit can miss
See all my dogs fuck it up in the pits
See all my ladies shake they hips and wiggle they tits
Shit my niggas might bounce to this
Cuz everybody talking about that new sound crazy
But its still hip hop to me
What what

(chorus)

(3rd verse)
Let me have your muthafucking undivided attention
Its about time I set the muthafuckin record straight
Now its obvious who smokes the most and the best weed
And its obvious who got the most and the finest hoes
And its obvious whos gonna get the props in 2000 one!
2012 come watch me
Shine in the new millenium yeah
I think your fine baby
Nah you aint my baby
You think Im crazy nah nah no
Muthafucking way fuck tomorrow fuck today
Fuck yo scandalous ass and yo scandalous ways
Fuck you momma and the ho she raised - what!

(chorus)

i love the smell of burnt toast in the morning

well, ok, its afternoon. i'm not going to lie. i got up at noon. i deserved it. just the right amount of beer last night coupled with some reading until well into the am, plus a night cap of scotch, found me going to bed at 4:30am. i couple more hours and i'd have been awake for 24. i bought a toaster monday night, to go along with my toaster struddles i bought the previous week. i forgot i didnt have a toaster. today was the first day i've used it. needless to say, i had to hit the struddles with a knife to knock the really burnt part of the crust into the sink. ahh well, for $6, i shouldn't complain too much. i havent had toaster struddles in such a long time. i used to grub on that shit all the time as a kid, in the morning before going to school. strawberry is the way to go. its $$ in the bank. too bad they arent filling whatsoever. guess i'll have to eat some cottage cheese and fruit for that.

i get paid to fuck around and listen to music

so, this job is as boring as can be. i'm waiting for an email from the government, so i continue in my mission to see the end of the internet. today, i've been reading my old blog, form a couple years ago. getting a helluva laugh. specifically when i posted the chat log with emily on the blog and people commented on it. i might put that up here for shits and giggles sooner or later. here is a jewel i found that still applies to all things in my life, so i wanted to discuss it again, and update it some. its about music, which, at this new job, has been a life saver/time killer. i've always said music is the soundtrack to my life. never before has it been more apparent than with the development of the website, pandora.com... i love this website. i've finally listened to this station long enough and given it enough feedback that it pretty much plays music i really like.

music is the soundtrack to life. why do you think people play music when they have sex? well, besides having it playing to cover up the oohs and ahhs so your roommates, dormmates, guy in the next room at the fraternity house, people in the library, etc dont hear. but really, you play music so when you hear that song at a later time it reminds you of that enjoyable time. i just heard a song i haven't heard in years. i was instantly taken back to junior year of high school while on the bus to a soccer game. one of the best times ever. unfortunately, it works in opposite ways as well. someone dies, you get dumped, you fail a test, etc etc. the song you first hear playing can instantly remind you of that terrible time. you win some, you lose some, i say. fortunately for me, my life has many more good moments than bad, and the bad ones i'm over now. i wouldn't be the person i am today without all the experiences i've had in the past. i'm glad music was there for those experiences to remind me of times long past. that way, i dont forget, and let history repeat itself. wouldn't want that. i love music.

the end of the world?

what the hell is going on in the world? i fear the apocalypse may be near. perhaps it is time to pray. the canadian loonie is now worth more than the US dollar. wtf?

i love downum and nay nay

so i'm talking to downum, and he was reading my law of attraction post. i guess i should title this one cost of a women. this is basically a follow up, stemmed from the conversation at the end of this post. basically, if you look at this from a purely sexual viewpoint, as downum most certainly does, you calculate all the money and time you spend on your woman, versus how many times you sleep with her. that would be your average cost of sex per time. if a hooker is cheaper, it makes sense. if a hooker is more expensive, at least you get variety. per nathan, then again, rosy palm is always cheap and available. and she knows what i like. maximum efficiency on time spent and enjoyment gained.


[(AMT $$ SPENT) + (VALUE TIME LOST)] / # OF TIMES HUMPED = AVG COST OF HUMPAGE
IF AVG COST HUMPAGE < AVG COST OF HOOKER, GET HOOKER.
IF AVG COST HUMPAGE = AVG COST OF HOOKER, STRANGE > SAME, GET HOOKER
----------------------------
justin: "greedy materialistic prostitute" Classic!!!!

me: the stuff i am ashamed of isnt in there
haha
seriously
buy a chicks drinks, dinner, maybe get laid
same as a hooker

justin: no doubt!

me: look at the time + money investment in any gf, and the ratio to times sexxed
determine your avg cost of sex
see if a hooker is cheaper
and bam
wow
i have to write this in my blog

justin: hookers are by far a better investment!!!

miscommunication

so, last night in class, i was bored, so i started talking to people on AIM. i talked to a girl here in law school, about all sorts of random stuff. somehow, we got on the subject of judging people based on 1st impressions and stereotypes. long story short, she ended up pointing out that at the halloween party last week i said something to her, which as it was given, a compliment, but as it was taken, an insult. now, this girl is a cutey. and all in all, from what i know thus far, a cool chick; intelligent, cute, smartass, drinks skinny cubans and wine like a champ (yes yes, i know, the perfect girl for me, so refrain from commenting as such). now, at the halloween party, in my drunken state, i said to her, "if you weren't you, i would totally try to sleep with you." now this was because of her hot little costume. some sort of snow white something or another. now, she took this comment as a "i would not sleep with you." where, i intended it as a "if you were cool and attractive, and someone i would potentially date in the future, i would totally try to have a 1-4 night stand with you." ahh, the joys of miscommunication.

monsters, nutter butter, and booze, oh my!

i went to the game in fayetteville this weekend. had a blast. dmac is a monster. friday night rode up to the game with kyler, he dropped me off at brandon's. met b and dave at the bar. had a good time. funny side note... b made a fake parking pass for daves apartment complex right on dickson. he had one in his car and had me grab one so i could park there also. as i pull in, i sent him a text message saying "im at the house of hebrew." since dave is jewish. well, i go to z330 and have a drink, then we go back across the street to dave's to take some shots. funniest part is, got dave a jewish flag and put it up on the wall. so me not knowing this, and calling it the house of hebrew, makes it hilarious. anyway, sat we pull over some trees with a water hose and a truck. yes alcohol was involved. but we needed wood for the bonfire, and we didnt want this dead tree to fall on the fence at b's. we head to the game, to do some tailgating. drink plenty, and go to the game. we beat the pants off of south carolina. i am happy for the players this past weekend considering how they beat SC down. they needed a win, and it was probably dmac and felix last game in fay. they deserve the win.

unfortunately, all the nutt huggers come out from under the rock, and tell us people who hate nutt how great he is after this big win. we should have beat this team no matter what. SC is the whipping post of the SEC, next in line to be a mississippi school. where were these huggers when nutt choked in the 4th quarter against bama, kentucky, and auburn. nowhere to be found. i'm trying not to care, but after watching saturday's game, i'm pissed off. why am i mad when we have such a dominant win? because the second half of this game was pure nuttball. we have one of the msot talented teams in the country. saturday night proved that. this is the same team that gave up 3 sec losses. saturday night, nutter butter busted out Gus' playbook, which was used last year to beat ass, to put up some points. he then switched back to his style of play with 2 mins left in hte half, as was evident by his poor clock management. it was back to pure nuttball. which was 0 wins in october in 2003, 2004, and 2005. right now, as i've said before, we should be undefeated, and in the NC title hunt. how can we start ranked, and not be #2, if not #1 in the country right now, if we go undefeated. nutt has kept us from that. his poor coaching and play calling is what did it. off field bs aside, he is a terrible coach.

2006, hogs had 10 straight wins. we were a contender for the NC. then, in the SC game, nutt goes back to nuttball, and while we win against tenn, they sucked, so we lose to LSU. we lose to florida, and lose ot wisconsin. with the most talented athlete arkansas has ever seen. we could have vieed for the NC last year, and this year. it could have been the hogs beating the shit out of ohio state for the NC. now, we return the same talent, minus mitch and damian, and cant win shit. nutter butters big fucking ego just wont let arkansas win if it isnt him calling the plays. that fucking pisses me off.

so i ride back to little rock sunday morning, happy for a win, but pissed off. the worst part is this win might be enough to bring nutt back for yet another year of disappointment. and there will be no dmac or felix. we will maybe win 5 games. fuck