stop

stalking me, crazy :)

how to not get killed and/or go to jail

so im noticing that i'm slowly getting out of shape. i blame this on not having my boxing stuff here in little rock. beating the shit out of a huge bang of sand at 2am is one of the best work outs out there. so, im having a conversation about boxing and what not, and i started thinking about little rock and how its full of ghetto. then i remembered something i read back in the day about self defense, so i figured i'd put it on here because the shit is good to remember.

things you arent supposed to do. i'll see if i can remember all these. there are probably some i'm forgetting. as you can imagine, i've paraphrased the shit that hung on the wall at the ma studio.
- dont go get drunk at places you don't need to. you dont have to go to biker bars or bars in the ghetto to get hammered.
- just stay the fuck away from dangerous places. dont park in the dark spots on the rivermarket. when you go out of town to other places, memphrica, for instance, google that shit and see where the danger is ahead of time. al gore made the internets for a reason.
- dont take the shortcut through the alley to get home. its not a good idea.
- dont touch her/him. you dont know if the chick you are scheming on or the dood whos cock you are grinding on has a boyfriend or girlfriend or both. a quick way to get your ass kicked is to feel up stacy while her 300lb offensive lineman boyfriend sees you from across the room.
- don't buy or sell bad stuff. if you are buying or selling bad stuff, bad things can happen to you.
- dont act like a bitch, aka make yourself out to be a target. save your fucking diamonds and shit for when you are out on a date, not out at the bar. you bitches really don't need a coach or LV suitcase to carry around all your shit in a bar. dont break out your wad of hundred dollar bills, downum, when you go to the bar. people see that shit, and before the end of the night, you will be forced to swing an empty beer bottle at someone just to keep them from robbing you.

stuff you are supposed to do:
- calm dowm. if you see your girl is the one getting groped and you happen to not be a 300lb lineman, think about what a physical confrontation will entail before you get hot headed and go beat some dousches ass. it can really fuck up your life, potentially physically, emotionally, and now i know more than ever, legally
- just walk away. ya ya, i know i've not been one to do this most of the time. but, i remember distinctly just over a year ago when the guy at the bar tried ot call me out in front of all my friends and i got in his face and slapped my cheek and told him to hit me, so i could have a reason to beat his ass. and i was just there to have dinner and not even get drunk, because i had a paper due the next day. needless to say, my teacher understood, since the dousche who tried to attack me was one of jessica's friends, and we were in a fight. i got drunk later that night and had a guy in my phone as dead for a long time. if you just walk away, your ego is all that hurts
- dont be a cock. if you fuck up, be nice about it, maybe they wont beat your ass. if someone else fucks up, nicely ask them to stop trying to finger bang your girlfriend on the dance floor. explain to them how that makes you feel angry and you would appreciate them no longer doing it. if that doesnt work, see below.

this is what you are supposed to do and not do. i'm all for also carrying a knife around, just because its useful, and you can stab a mofo in the throat if need be.

i <3 technology

yea, so what if i am a dork. i dont care. i think technology is great. why is that? because i can be sitting on my toilet in arkansas, talking to a friend on a moving train heading from leeds to london, and he can tell me his favorite places to eat in little rock, since he is from here. yep, lazy sundays.

semester 1 of law school... crocadile.

well, i've finished my 1st semester of law school. whether i pass or not, that is another story. and now, i feel like shit. i've taken a ton of drugs this morning. i cant stop sneezing. seriously, people here in the office are asking if im ok. i just sneezed literally probably 15 times in a row. that feeling of a slight fever has subsided, but thats because of the tylenol cold/excedrin/ibuprofen cocktail i've had. im starting to feel fuck up from it. so much for doing any work today :). i still have every intention of partying it up at noon. but that is a long time away

this is mostly true

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2007 when...





1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.





2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.





3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.





4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.





5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.





6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.





7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.





8. Leaving the house without your ce ll phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.





10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.





11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )





12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
< BR>



13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.





14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.





15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.





AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

guess i'm doing it wrong

so, in my office here at work, they put these flyers up around the shitters called "potty pointers." i spend a lot of time in the shitter at work. why do something at home you can get paid to do at work? anyway, the new potty pointer for this month, i guess its for this month, is how to reduce holiday stress. i went to the website that was the source, and cut and paste the exact info, and figured i'd put it here, then discuss whether or not i am right or wrong. guess i'm doing it wrong.

"Eat well: Family meals and nutrient-rich foods are even more important at this time of year. Enjoy simple meals, like steaming soup with salad and rolls, together as often as possible. Take time to establish new family traditions, like making bread from scratch."
-yea, i dont i'm quite up to par on this one. i eat once a day, maybe twice, and snack sometimes. i eat stuff that is bad for me. i've tried to switch to healthy snacks, and for the most part have... good thing i like string cheese and carrots. but dipping the carrots in ranch probably doesnt make it any more healthy that just eating some doritos.

"Play well: Being active together creates special memories and improves moods at the same time. Holiday fitness fun is as easy as a family game of Twister® or a stroll around the neighborhood (perhaps to sing some holiday songs or carols for friends)."
-maybe i do this one a bit more, at least when im at my parents. i guess that is mainly because of max and the rest of the pack. my mom is now the pack leader, and my dog is a traitor.

"Sleep well: Most adults do best with 7 to 8 hours sleep a night, while young children need significantly more. Develop family routines that promote healthy sleep habits, like reading holiday stories or listening to calming music together before bedtime."
-yea, this joke makes me laugh. seriously, 7 or 8 hours of sleep. i dont even get that when i get hammered the night before. granted, its because i have to wake up to puke and/or eat tylenol and drink fluids, but still. i wish i had time to sleep 8 hours a night. that would be amazing.

premonition

i have the feeling of some foreboding event to take place today. last night, i couldnt sleep. i think maybe i got 2 hours. i remember looking at the clock, and it said 5am, and i think to myself, damn, i have to get up in 2 hours. i finally turned off the tv around 3:30am, but my mind was still racing. i kept having these feelings like something terrible is going to happen. by terrible, im not exactly sure what. i thought maybe i was going to die on the way to work. it was rainy, the roads were slick, and people were being idiots on the road, as usual. i still have this odd feeling. something terrible is going to happen today. it may not be to me, but something in general. hopefully, this is just the result of my lack of sleep, combined with the high levels of stress that i am currently under. but hey, at least i'm dreaming again.

me, literaturely

so, im talking to darnold earlier. we are discussing his personal description of himself. our conversation went something like this:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Darnold: ...i am an asshole w/ a heart of gold, but with a dash of awesome and slight hints of destructive behavior
Darnold: give me a few minutes and i'll think of one for you
me: haha ok
Darnold: you are a sweet little butterfly in the body of a bristling boar
me: what the hell does that mean?
Darnold: why, that you're sweet and light-hearted, but project yourself as a boorish dick
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

this description seems fitting. guess david knows me pretty well. i get my own literature description, since he is getting an degree in english, with which you can do nothing but teach or go to law school.

ahh, love those ipod accessories.

i wonder when they will make a pocket pussy version...

i cringe in pain just looking at this

last night at dinner, we were discussing the tyrone prothro play a couple years ago where he fucked up his leg. so, i had to put this up here. shit is nuts. rammer jammer alabamer

half the the bitches i know

these shoes cost 300 fucking dollars, lets get em!

i chose life

Michael is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say: When someone would ask him how he was doing, He would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!" He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Michael was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Michael and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

Michael replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.
"Yes, it is," Michael said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood. Your bottom line: It's your choice how you live life."

I reflected on what Michael said. Soon thereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it. Several years later, I heard that Michael was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.
After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Michael was released
from the hospital with rods placed in his back. I saw Michael about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied. "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place. "The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon to be born daughter," Michael replied. "Then, as I lay on the ground, I
remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or I could choose to die. I chose to live."

Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked. Michael continued, "...the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read "he's a dead man. I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Michael.
"She asked if I was allergic to anything. "Yes, I replied." The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, "Gravity." Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."

Michael lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything. "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

God says,

if im fighting you, and your bitchass wife wants to save your ass, i can kill her too

Deuteronomy 25:11-12

If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity.