buy this guys instead
http://www.alife4sale.com/
after reading a little bit of his website, it seems like a pretty good idea for someone in his situation.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
corky gave this as an informative speech
1. I will inform the class on being “Cool and Tough in College,” including what it is to be “Cool and Tough in College” why one should be cool and tough and how to become cool and tough.
a. What cool and tough is and why you should be cool and tough
--i. Looking cool
--ii. Talking cool
--iii. Acting cool
b. Why should you be cool and tough
--i. Its way more fun
--ii. Get chicks
--iii. People envy you
c. How to be “Cool and Tough”
--i. Present an image of coolness and toughness
-----I. Join a Cool and Tough Frat
--------a. Most Important
-----II. Dress cool and tough
-----III. Spend lots of money
-----IV. Look like you got your clothes at a yard sale
-----V. What kind of shoes
-----VI. Wrinkled clothes
-----VII. General sloppiness
-----VIII. Badass ride
--------a. SUV
--------b. Stickers
-----IX. Smoking Weed
--------a. Lots of it
-----X. Music
--------a. Dave Mathews
--------b. Widespread Panic
-----XI. Never alone
--------a. Surrounded with cool and tough people
d. Cool and Tough dating
--i. Lots of sex
--ii. Different people
--iii. Quantity over quality
--iv. Girlfriends are acceptable
-----I. Cant love them
-----II. Shouldn’t even like them
-----III. Sorority
e. Drink as if your cool and tough
--i. Very important
--ii. Drink a lot
--iii. Drink all the time
-----I. Do stupid stuff
--iv. Game day
-----I. Drunk
-----II. Early
a. What cool and tough is and why you should be cool and tough
--i. Looking cool
--ii. Talking cool
--iii. Acting cool
b. Why should you be cool and tough
--i. Its way more fun
--ii. Get chicks
--iii. People envy you
c. How to be “Cool and Tough”
--i. Present an image of coolness and toughness
-----I. Join a Cool and Tough Frat
--------a. Most Important
-----II. Dress cool and tough
-----III. Spend lots of money
-----IV. Look like you got your clothes at a yard sale
-----V. What kind of shoes
-----VI. Wrinkled clothes
-----VII. General sloppiness
-----VIII. Badass ride
--------a. SUV
--------b. Stickers
-----IX. Smoking Weed
--------a. Lots of it
-----X. Music
--------a. Dave Mathews
--------b. Widespread Panic
-----XI. Never alone
--------a. Surrounded with cool and tough people
d. Cool and Tough dating
--i. Lots of sex
--ii. Different people
--iii. Quantity over quality
--iv. Girlfriends are acceptable
-----I. Cant love them
-----II. Shouldn’t even like them
-----III. Sorority
e. Drink as if your cool and tough
--i. Very important
--ii. Drink a lot
--iii. Drink all the time
-----I. Do stupid stuff
--iv. Game day
-----I. Drunk
-----II. Early
How to be cool and tough in college.
i first read this a few years ago. it is hilarious. how to be cool and tough in undergrad. i'm procrastinating this brief, so its time to update the blog. i'm also going through some old shit on my computer, and i stumbled across a bunch of shit corky has on my comp from where he backed it up, so i will post some of the hilarity as well.
1. Dress Cool and Tough--To become cool and tough you must present an image of coolness and toughness. Cool and tough people spend incredible amounts of money to look like they bought their clothes at a yard sale. Whatever you buy, it has to cost a lot of money. If it doesn't, then it's not cool. Or tough. Cool and tough people only wear four kinds of footwear: Wallabes, New Balance tennis shoes (no socks), expensive hiking boots (Vasque, etc.), and flip-flops. If you wear any other kind of shoes, you are neither cool nor tough. The only hats cool and tough people wear are golf visors. No other headgear is acceptable. Also, all clothing must be wrinkled, un-tucked (or half-tucked), and have a general sloppiness about them.
2. The Cool and Tough Dating Life--Have lots of sex with lots of chicks. Cool and tough people are always out scoring. The best thing to do is get really drunk (see rule 3) and go out and find some god-awful chick you would normally never even talk to, then try and find a way to get into her panties. Don't worry if your friends will make fun of you for having sex with this girl. This is not an issue. Always remember, quantity not quality. The more sex you have, the better. This will make you cool and tough. It is cool and tough to have a girlfriend. Some people will argue this, but it's true. However, the cool and tough girlfriend does not fit the standard definition of a girlfriend. Cool and tough people never love their girlfriends. In fact, you don't even have to like her. It is only important that she's in a good sorority. This way, you'll get invited to her sorority functions and be able to try and have sex with all of her friends. Also, you'll get T-shirts from these parties and the more sorority party T-shirts you have, the cooler and tougher you will be. Do not be discouraged if your girlfriend has already banged pretty much everyone you know. This will only make her better.
3. Drink Like You're Cool and Tough--This is by far the most important thing to remember if you ever want to be cool and tough. The more you drink and the more you talk about how much you and your friends drink, the cooler and tougher you will become. Also, don't be afraid to do some really dumb shit when you're drunk. Doing dumb shit makes for good stories and good stories make you cool and tough. Especially good stories about what you did while you were drunk. Never puke. Cool and tough people never throw up. If you feel like you're going to throw up, just do some blow or something. Also, the cool and tough man should never pass out. However, since passing out sometimes cannot be controlled, if you must pass out, do so in a place where everyone can see you and think about how cool and tough you are. Every once in awhile, piss on yourself when you're passed out, to show them that you just dont care because you are cool and tough.
4. The Cool and Tough Automobile--Cool and tough people only drive sport utility vehicles. This is not negotiable. The perfect cool and tough vehicle might be a brand new Chevy Yukon with personalized plates, your fraternity letters plastered all over the rear of the car, and a Ducks Unlimited sticker on one of the windows. Another example of a cool and tough automobile might be a Toyota Four Runner in which case a Widespread Panic or Phish sticker may be more appropriate than the Ducks Unlimited sticker. Also, cool and tough people have sunglasses hanging from their rear mirror as well as some (but not too much) mud on the bottom of the vehicle.
5. Cool and Tough Music--Cool and tough people only listen to two bands: Widespread Panic and/or Phish. It is cool and tough to talk about how much you like the Grateful Dead, but you don't have to actually listen to them. It is extremely important to have as many of the most obscure Widespread Panic and/or Phish bootlegs as you can possibly find. As you play the bootlegs, narrate to your listeners how many narcotics/psychedelics you were able to force into your body throughout the course of the particular concert you are listening to. Also, you are never to refer to the concerts as "concerts." The cool and tough terminology is "Show," i.e., "That was a bad-ass Panic Show, man. Gee, I'm really cool. And tough."
6. Doing Drugs Like You're Cool and Tough--Cool and tough people take lots of drugs. It is important that you can handle your drugs. It is important that you can handle your drugs if you want to become cool and tough. Cool and tough drugs include (but are not limited to): Ecstasy, LSD, Blow, any and all pills, nitrous oxide (or any common substitute), and the most important cool and tough drug, marijuana (see rule 7). Cool and tough people are always doing some or all of these drugs at Shows, parties, football games, or just when hanging around the fraternity house on a Tuesday afternoon. No matter what people tell you, drugs will most certainly make you cool and tough.
7. The Cool and Tough Way to Smoke Pot--We've already established that it is definitely cool and tough to smoke marijuana. However, there is a method of doing this that will make you all the more cool and tough. Cool and tough people always say they smoke really good pot, whether it's all that good or not. This "good pot" is most commonly referred to as Nugs, Dank, KB, Dodja, or Nadge. Also, cool and tough people spend a great deal of money on different forms of paraphernalia such as glass pipes, one-hitters, and bongs. Refer to these materials lovingly as your "piece." Only smoke pot with other cool and tough people. Have arguments and debates over who smokes the most pot. Also, always offer it to girls, no matter how straight they look. They may want to smoke, you never know. Secretly, they want to be cool and tough, too. They just don't like to admit it, sometimes.
8. Cool and Tough on Campus--The cool and tough man never walks alone. In fact, he should strive to surround himself with other specimens of coolness and toughness. The cool and tough man should do everything in his power to observe and mimic actions, speech patterns, and the general demeanor of everyone around them. The cool and tough man would never try to be a special or unique butterfly. He knows the ancient secrets of coolness and toughness like unoriginality and social paranoia. The cool and tough man should always have a slight grin, conveying an image of total control and enlightenment. And he should be ready at any moment to belittle anyone he doesn't think is cool or tough.
9. Cool and Tough Out on the Town--The first thing to remember here is the party for a cool and tough person begins way before the party for everyone else. Start drinking and ingesting narcotics sometime around one in the afternoon and keep a steady pace until it's time to go to the bar. Once you have reached the bar, make sure everyone there knows just how fucked up you are. This way, they'll know that you are in fact cool and tough. Some people will tell you to "be a gentleman" and buy drinks for all girls you talk to. This is wrong. The cool and tough person only buys drinks for girls he knows he can probably sleep with later. Generally ignore all other girls. They are of no use to the cool and tough man. After the bar closes, the cool and tough person must always drive home. A cool and tough person would NEVER allow someone else to take them home from the bar, because doing so would mean admitting that you were too fucked up to drive yourself home. And that isn't very cool or tough.
10. Cool and Tough on Game day--While it's cool and tough to have a date for game day, it is extremely important that by the end of the weekend, you have either: a) left her or b) driven her to hate you and your cool and tough antics. This way, you can have sex with some other chick at the party to remind her (and yourself) how cool and tough you are. If for some reason you manage not to lose and/or alienate your date and you wake up next to her on Sunday morning, you make it very clear that no matter what sexual acts you performed the night before, it DOES NOT constitute dating. It will be difficult for her to grasp this. On game days, cool and tough people should already be drunk by the time everyone else wakes up. In fact, the coolest and toughest thing you can do is stay up all night drinking and toot a bunch of blow before you go out tailgating. If you should decide to actually go into the football game rather than just sitting around and drinking, it is very important that you think of super-creative ways to smuggle whiskey into the stadium. That way, later you can tell everyone how you did it and they'll think you're cool. And tough.
11. It is important to note here that not everyone is cut out to be cool and tough. Although, many of these skills can be learned, truly being cool and tough requires a certain degree of natural talent that not everyone is born with. One of the best ways to become cool and tough is to hone your skills by surrounding yourself with other cool and tough people. Be these people. It is certainly neither cool nor tough to be an individual. Constantly strive for the same level of mediocrity of all those around you. However, it is important to remember that though these people may also be cool and tough, they will never be as cool and tough as you are. Some of the people in your fraternity may be cool and tough, but many of them aren't. So don't hang out with them. It is also important to remember that being cool does not necessarily make one tough, nor does being tough automatically make one cool. You should strive to find the proper balance between the two and become simply known as a Cool and Tough person.
1. Dress Cool and Tough--To become cool and tough you must present an image of coolness and toughness. Cool and tough people spend incredible amounts of money to look like they bought their clothes at a yard sale. Whatever you buy, it has to cost a lot of money. If it doesn't, then it's not cool. Or tough. Cool and tough people only wear four kinds of footwear: Wallabes, New Balance tennis shoes (no socks), expensive hiking boots (Vasque, etc.), and flip-flops. If you wear any other kind of shoes, you are neither cool nor tough. The only hats cool and tough people wear are golf visors. No other headgear is acceptable. Also, all clothing must be wrinkled, un-tucked (or half-tucked), and have a general sloppiness about them.
2. The Cool and Tough Dating Life--Have lots of sex with lots of chicks. Cool and tough people are always out scoring. The best thing to do is get really drunk (see rule 3) and go out and find some god-awful chick you would normally never even talk to, then try and find a way to get into her panties. Don't worry if your friends will make fun of you for having sex with this girl. This is not an issue. Always remember, quantity not quality. The more sex you have, the better. This will make you cool and tough. It is cool and tough to have a girlfriend. Some people will argue this, but it's true. However, the cool and tough girlfriend does not fit the standard definition of a girlfriend. Cool and tough people never love their girlfriends. In fact, you don't even have to like her. It is only important that she's in a good sorority. This way, you'll get invited to her sorority functions and be able to try and have sex with all of her friends. Also, you'll get T-shirts from these parties and the more sorority party T-shirts you have, the cooler and tougher you will be. Do not be discouraged if your girlfriend has already banged pretty much everyone you know. This will only make her better.
3. Drink Like You're Cool and Tough--This is by far the most important thing to remember if you ever want to be cool and tough. The more you drink and the more you talk about how much you and your friends drink, the cooler and tougher you will become. Also, don't be afraid to do some really dumb shit when you're drunk. Doing dumb shit makes for good stories and good stories make you cool and tough. Especially good stories about what you did while you were drunk. Never puke. Cool and tough people never throw up. If you feel like you're going to throw up, just do some blow or something. Also, the cool and tough man should never pass out. However, since passing out sometimes cannot be controlled, if you must pass out, do so in a place where everyone can see you and think about how cool and tough you are. Every once in awhile, piss on yourself when you're passed out, to show them that you just dont care because you are cool and tough.
4. The Cool and Tough Automobile--Cool and tough people only drive sport utility vehicles. This is not negotiable. The perfect cool and tough vehicle might be a brand new Chevy Yukon with personalized plates, your fraternity letters plastered all over the rear of the car, and a Ducks Unlimited sticker on one of the windows. Another example of a cool and tough automobile might be a Toyota Four Runner in which case a Widespread Panic or Phish sticker may be more appropriate than the Ducks Unlimited sticker. Also, cool and tough people have sunglasses hanging from their rear mirror as well as some (but not too much) mud on the bottom of the vehicle.
5. Cool and Tough Music--Cool and tough people only listen to two bands: Widespread Panic and/or Phish. It is cool and tough to talk about how much you like the Grateful Dead, but you don't have to actually listen to them. It is extremely important to have as many of the most obscure Widespread Panic and/or Phish bootlegs as you can possibly find. As you play the bootlegs, narrate to your listeners how many narcotics/psychedelics you were able to force into your body throughout the course of the particular concert you are listening to. Also, you are never to refer to the concerts as "concerts." The cool and tough terminology is "Show," i.e., "That was a bad-ass Panic Show, man. Gee, I'm really cool. And tough."
6. Doing Drugs Like You're Cool and Tough--Cool and tough people take lots of drugs. It is important that you can handle your drugs. It is important that you can handle your drugs if you want to become cool and tough. Cool and tough drugs include (but are not limited to): Ecstasy, LSD, Blow, any and all pills, nitrous oxide (or any common substitute), and the most important cool and tough drug, marijuana (see rule 7). Cool and tough people are always doing some or all of these drugs at Shows, parties, football games, or just when hanging around the fraternity house on a Tuesday afternoon. No matter what people tell you, drugs will most certainly make you cool and tough.
7. The Cool and Tough Way to Smoke Pot--We've already established that it is definitely cool and tough to smoke marijuana. However, there is a method of doing this that will make you all the more cool and tough. Cool and tough people always say they smoke really good pot, whether it's all that good or not. This "good pot" is most commonly referred to as Nugs, Dank, KB, Dodja, or Nadge. Also, cool and tough people spend a great deal of money on different forms of paraphernalia such as glass pipes, one-hitters, and bongs. Refer to these materials lovingly as your "piece." Only smoke pot with other cool and tough people. Have arguments and debates over who smokes the most pot. Also, always offer it to girls, no matter how straight they look. They may want to smoke, you never know. Secretly, they want to be cool and tough, too. They just don't like to admit it, sometimes.
8. Cool and Tough on Campus--The cool and tough man never walks alone. In fact, he should strive to surround himself with other specimens of coolness and toughness. The cool and tough man should do everything in his power to observe and mimic actions, speech patterns, and the general demeanor of everyone around them. The cool and tough man would never try to be a special or unique butterfly. He knows the ancient secrets of coolness and toughness like unoriginality and social paranoia. The cool and tough man should always have a slight grin, conveying an image of total control and enlightenment. And he should be ready at any moment to belittle anyone he doesn't think is cool or tough.
9. Cool and Tough Out on the Town--The first thing to remember here is the party for a cool and tough person begins way before the party for everyone else. Start drinking and ingesting narcotics sometime around one in the afternoon and keep a steady pace until it's time to go to the bar. Once you have reached the bar, make sure everyone there knows just how fucked up you are. This way, they'll know that you are in fact cool and tough. Some people will tell you to "be a gentleman" and buy drinks for all girls you talk to. This is wrong. The cool and tough person only buys drinks for girls he knows he can probably sleep with later. Generally ignore all other girls. They are of no use to the cool and tough man. After the bar closes, the cool and tough person must always drive home. A cool and tough person would NEVER allow someone else to take them home from the bar, because doing so would mean admitting that you were too fucked up to drive yourself home. And that isn't very cool or tough.
10. Cool and Tough on Game day--While it's cool and tough to have a date for game day, it is extremely important that by the end of the weekend, you have either: a) left her or b) driven her to hate you and your cool and tough antics. This way, you can have sex with some other chick at the party to remind her (and yourself) how cool and tough you are. If for some reason you manage not to lose and/or alienate your date and you wake up next to her on Sunday morning, you make it very clear that no matter what sexual acts you performed the night before, it DOES NOT constitute dating. It will be difficult for her to grasp this. On game days, cool and tough people should already be drunk by the time everyone else wakes up. In fact, the coolest and toughest thing you can do is stay up all night drinking and toot a bunch of blow before you go out tailgating. If you should decide to actually go into the football game rather than just sitting around and drinking, it is very important that you think of super-creative ways to smuggle whiskey into the stadium. That way, later you can tell everyone how you did it and they'll think you're cool. And tough.
11. It is important to note here that not everyone is cut out to be cool and tough. Although, many of these skills can be learned, truly being cool and tough requires a certain degree of natural talent that not everyone is born with. One of the best ways to become cool and tough is to hone your skills by surrounding yourself with other cool and tough people. Be these people. It is certainly neither cool nor tough to be an individual. Constantly strive for the same level of mediocrity of all those around you. However, it is important to remember that though these people may also be cool and tough, they will never be as cool and tough as you are. Some of the people in your fraternity may be cool and tough, but many of them aren't. So don't hang out with them. It is also important to remember that being cool does not necessarily make one tough, nor does being tough automatically make one cool. You should strive to find the proper balance between the two and become simply known as a Cool and Tough person.
Thursday, March 06, 2008
DSPS
its called delayed sleep phase syndrome. i think i've suffered from it for a long time. it basically means i cant sleep at night. it takes me forever to fall asleep. once i'm out, its like a light, and i can get at least a few hours of good sleep. more now that i have an awesome curtain. wikipedia says "People with DSPS tend to fall asleep well after midnight and also have difficulty waking up in the morning." thats me. definitely. lots of info about it on the internet. but its 4:30am. maybe i should go to bed. at least i've been rocking out in the meantime. i guess im getting ready for this show...
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
bored
i admit. i've gotten bored with writing this blog. its not so much that i have nothing to say, its just that i dont have the motivation to write them down. i wish there were a chip that could just translate my thoughts into text on the screen, and then i'd blog about all sorts of shit. its 4:23 in the morning. i can't sleep. its strange. i'm tired, but not sleepy. i've been laying in bed watching tv for hours. pointless tv. tv trying to sell me shit that i don't give a fuck about. shit that i dont need. shit that looks neat but i'm sure will fuck up within a week. well, i just called capitalone. they just took care of some charges on my credit card that i didnt know what the fuck were for. ya for india and all their crazy people who dont give a fuck if american companies get paid. ok, im going to take some more sleeping pills. the ones i took a few hours ago just made me feel retarded, but not sleep.
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