old friends

i'm old. i have a lot of friends, and have seen more come and go, some more special than others. i'm trying to reconnect with a few. for some, it is easy. for others, not so much. i really think some friendships can stand the test of time, and i have some great friends that prove that. however, some only provide memories. some good, some bad, but memories nonetheless

i know my destination but im just not there

its almost 3 am. i can't sleep. i just lay here, thinking about life and the stresses involved with it. im supposed to be growing up, but i feel like all i am doing is getting older. more and more people around me are getting married, and moving forward. i am still alone, and feel like im stuck in the same place i was 5 years ago. sure, i have more education, but i don't know that i've really learned anything.

i remember i smelled that

i've always thought the sense of smell is important. dogs agree. if you lay out a dog's nasal membrane, it would have more surface area than the rest of his body. guess thats why dogs rely so much on the sense of smell. smell is interesting. i've always thought sounds, music in particular, could bring back certain memories. today i've decided that smell does the same thing. i am at my parents, but i didnt bring anything with me really, as i dont plan to stay long. i took a shower with some body wash that was here that i left from years ago. i havent used this brand in a long time, but the smell of it instantly takes me back to when it was left here, and i vividly remember that summer that i used this brand. i dont need to go into details about this, because that isnt the point, and its not a memory i'd prefer to openly discuss. however, i was thinking about other times when smells have been important. its like when your girl stays the night, when you get back in bed after you've walked her out in the morning (or afternoon) and your bed still smells all good like her. or when you dont wash a towel for a couple weeks because she used it to dry off with after a shower, and now she is gone for a long time, but it still smells like her, so from time to time you smell it when you are missing that person. yea, i know, lame and cheesy. its 2 am. i can't sleep. all i do is lay around and think. idle hands are the devils playground.

mike tyson makes me popular

when i first started this blog, i put a statistical analysis program in place to tell me stuff like, number of visitors, where they came from, what website redirected them here, etc etc. every so often, when i contemplate deleting this blog, i log in and see that it is still being viewed, and i decide to keep it around. today, being christmas, i'm bored as fuck. i've already opened all my presents, as have the rest of my family. i dont give a fuck about the lakers playing the celtics, because its not summer time, and i dont give a shit about the nba until summer, when the playoffs start. so, i was looking over the stats for this place. turns out, people from all over the world view this thing. there are really only 2 links that people google search that bring them here. they search for the lyrics to cars, or to the video i linked of mike tyson saying "i'll fuck you till you love me, faggot" located here:

http://thisiswhereitellitlikeitis.blogspot.com/2007/11/ill-fuck-you-till-you-love-me-faggot.html

that said, if you are one of those people, feel free to view the rest of my blog, if you can understand english. if you are looking for that particular video, you might be pleasantly entertained by my blog. or, you'll be really offended. if so, i dont care. have a nice day

braindead

it's christmas eve. well, christmas now, as it is after midnight. i can't sleep. i blame my 7-10 pm nap. what can i say, i drove to my parents, had dinner, and got sleepy. i've been braindead for the last few days. finals just drained me emotionally, physically, and mentally. i can't concentrate on anything for more than 10 minutes. i want to sleep. i have no desire to get up and do anything. i just physically need a day to recover from the disaster that was final exams. my family wants to ask me about school. i dont want to talk about it. what part of i dont want to talk about it dont you fucking understand? it stresses me the fuck out. i just want to enjoy my vacation, enjoy my being worthless, catch up with some folks, catch up on some sleep, and maybe watch a few movies. hell, i guess i will watch a movie tonight, as i cant sleep anyway. fuck the holidays. humbug

felt like posting this

This is my response to my fraternity listserv full of Democrats.

What you are failing to realize about the 44 million Americans who
voted for John McCain is, your vote is as much against one candidate
as it is for the other candidate. As this thread proves, there is no
way you are going to like everything about one candidate any more than
you dislike everything about the other. I believe you should consider
a candidate's character as much as his policy proposals. As far as I
can remember, every presidential candidate has spent the majority of
his campaign time making promises and setting out goals. Sure, they
sound great and all, but how much of that actually comes to fruition?
Not much. Presidents spend the majority of their time dealing with
whatever crisis falls into their laps because we feel it is our place
in the world to keep peace. We also have to protect our nation from
threats. What a person will do when faced with these crisis is what
defines his character. I don't care what is right for a person's
politically career, only what is right for the country.

Politicians are notorious for promising everything to everybody when
they're on the campaigning. Once they take office, campaign promises
often are considered impractical, too ambitious, unrealistic, too
costly, or are just put on the back-burner to deal with some matter
more pressing. Some people look at what the candidate has done
(Republicans), versus what the candidate says he will do (Democrats).
These are the reasons people vote for McCain.

Personally, I don't agree with all his positions, especially on
abortion. Neither should some of you. I do agree with him on the
issues of national security and on his economic policy. I think
McCain's character has been tested. Hell, he was a POW in Vietnam. As
a senator, he advocated an unpopular surge strategy in Iraq. He knew
this was a fragile issue and could very well end his political career
if the surge failed. But it worked, and even Obama admitted that.
McCain is a country first kind of guy. He has been since the dawn of
the age of man, when he was born.

Economically, the times ahead will be difficult for either side. They
will require a leader who can put aside his ego and celebrity status
and reach across party lines to reach some solutions that will benefit
the country as a whole. McCain has shown he is willing to go against
his own party to find common ground with Democrats. McCain doesn't go
far left or right on most issues. McCain got many votes because people
know who he is. Hes been around long enough for people to figure it
out. There are no surprises with his old ass. I'm not so sure about
Obama. He gives speeches that could sell binoculars to a blind man.
But his record is slim, and he has never reached across the political
aisle to achieve compromise. And then there are the questions about
who Obama associates with. I really wouldnt care if he had a few
friends who were questionable. Hell, we all still hang out with Coty
and like him. It seems that there is a growing list of anti-American,
radical Leftists, who have been mentors or close associates of Obama's
until just a few years ago when he entered the national stage.

I feel like when terrorists attack, Obama will want to sit down with
the leaders or the world and those who claim responsibility and talk
about their feelings. Hell, he might even have Oprah mediate. I'd
rather have someone who uses guns. With our economy in the shitter, we
can't afford to be seen as pussies too. I'll give Obama a chance, but
right now, his change isn't something I can believe in any more than I
believe Sarah Palin's retard child will grow up to win the Nobel
Prize.

yea well

i havent updated this in a longass time. to be quite honest, i completely forgot that i even had a blog, until tonight when i was talking to a new friend and stalking their facebook page, and i came across their blog. it was the same color scheme that my blog was, so i was like, shit i should update that. here i am. im fully prepared to do some serious bitching about law school, and even more directed at on campus interviews, but i'll save that for a later day. it fall, and i've dvr'd all my favorite cbs comedies from monday night, so i'm going to watch two and a half men, because its fucked funny.

when i was a child

i used to fucking love wrestling. yea yea, i knew it was fake. its really nothing more than a soap opera for men. i didnt care. i came across this video. and i have to say, its fucking hilarious.

and people say george bush is an idiot

seems pretty smart to me. for bush anyway. hard to believe this shit is real

quotes i don't want to forget

So, i decided to remove all the inappropriate shit from my facebook profile.

basically, i had to remove all the quotes from my asshole friends.

this is my favorite one of all time, via corky. even though i rarely update this blog, i want to remember this, because its hilarious.

"dates are for chumps and guys who like a sure thing...im kinda like the Davey Crockett of gine. Venturing into the wild with nothing but my gun and coonskin dick cap in hand ready for whatever mother earth throws at me"

the other one is from david scott, which merely says "sluts>nuns"

and the last one from will, says "just because we are good at drinking and driving, doesnt mean its ok."

hahaha

i love this website.... woof woof

winkles has introduced me to my new favorite website.

you wanna go get some chicken?

true

How To Shower: Men Vs Women - Watch more free videos

my new car

actually, its my dads. but i'll still definitely drive it.

max and my grandma

continuing the monkey theme

awesome... just awesome

i may be white, but...

you don't see me painting a fucking rebel flag on the side of my car, or all over my car, for that matter. last night i went to wal-mart to buy some shit, and when i cam out this car was parked opposite me. so, i had to take some pictures. who the fuck paints apple bottoms on their fucking car? ohh yea, it was on the other side exactly the same too. first of all, this car is not a total piece of shit like i normally see with this kind of shit on it, but this still isnt hte kind of car you do this to. you don't need to put these kind of rims on it either. apple bottoms is a gay song. i contemplated waiting to see who came out, just to see who the owner of this beauty is, but then i figured i'd probably get shot, so i left. plus i had cold milk.





notice in the first picture, there is a huge white kidnapping van. as i loaded my groceries, a mexican family came out and 14 of them got in the van. can were say, stereotype?

ahhhh, dvr

so, i am an american idol tv show fan. i could care less about most of the people who win, and the albums they produce after the fact, because to be honest, most of it sucks. but, i watch the show. last night was the big fucking charity called idol gives back. it was a star studded event at two theaters to raise money for charity and blah blah blah. all i can say is, thank god for the ability to fast forward through commericials, or in this case, through the shit that i think is completely stupid and i don't care to see. i don't give a fuck about the kids in africa with malaria. honestly, its darwinism at its best. these people are dieing for a reason, so that there is enough food in the world to feed everyone. darwin said, survival of the fittest. well, it seems like america is just a little more fit than africa, and so be it. i take the same approach to this as i do for the middle east. let them all kill each other, then we can go take their oil. in africa, let them all die/kill each other, then we can go take their diamonds/gold/whatever else we find that we might need to stay the fittest. i just fast forward through all that bullshit where bono goes to africa and tries to get money. in the one bright spot of the night, i hope all the people who still bitch that their ancestors were slaves and think they deserve something watched that episode, so maybe they will stop bitching, because after all, they live in america, get more opportunities than i do (thanks affirmative action), and dont have to starve to death in africa. stop your fucking bitching. that is all

pork chop sandwiches

so, i was acting retarded today, making fun of retards. and it reminded me of this

tired of your shitty job and shitty life?

buy this guys instead

http://www.alife4sale.com/

after reading a little bit of his website, it seems like a pretty good idea for someone in his situation.

corky gave this as an informative speech

1. I will inform the class on being “Cool and Tough in College,” including what it is to be “Cool and Tough in College” why one should be cool and tough and how to become cool and tough.

a. What cool and tough is and why you should be cool and tough
--i. Looking cool
--ii. Talking cool
--iii. Acting cool

b. Why should you be cool and tough
--i. Its way more fun
--ii. Get chicks
--iii. People envy you

c. How to be “Cool and Tough”
--i. Present an image of coolness and toughness
-----I. Join a Cool and Tough Frat
--------a. Most Important
-----II. Dress cool and tough
-----III. Spend lots of money
-----IV. Look like you got your clothes at a yard sale
-----V. What kind of shoes
-----VI. Wrinkled clothes
-----VII. General sloppiness
-----VIII. Badass ride
--------a. SUV
--------b. Stickers
-----IX. Smoking Weed
--------a. Lots of it
-----X. Music
--------a. Dave Mathews
--------b. Widespread Panic
-----XI. Never alone
--------a. Surrounded with cool and tough people

d. Cool and Tough dating
--i. Lots of sex
--ii. Different people
--iii. Quantity over quality
--iv. Girlfriends are acceptable
-----I. Cant love them
-----II. Shouldn’t even like them
-----III. Sorority

e. Drink as if your cool and tough
--i. Very important
--ii. Drink a lot
--iii. Drink all the time
-----I. Do stupid stuff
--iv. Game day
-----I. Drunk
-----II. Early

How to be cool and tough in college.

i first read this a few years ago. it is hilarious. how to be cool and tough in undergrad. i'm procrastinating this brief, so its time to update the blog. i'm also going through some old shit on my computer, and i stumbled across a bunch of shit corky has on my comp from where he backed it up, so i will post some of the hilarity as well.



1. Dress Cool and Tough--To become cool and tough you must present an image of coolness and toughness. Cool and tough people spend incredible amounts of money to look like they bought their clothes at a yard sale. Whatever you buy, it has to cost a lot of money. If it doesn't, then it's not cool. Or tough. Cool and tough people only wear four kinds of footwear: Wallabes, New Balance tennis shoes (no socks), expensive hiking boots (Vasque, etc.), and flip-flops. If you wear any other kind of shoes, you are neither cool nor tough. The only hats cool and tough people wear are golf visors. No other headgear is acceptable. Also, all clothing must be wrinkled, un-tucked (or half-tucked), and have a general sloppiness about them.

2. The Cool and Tough Dating Life--Have lots of sex with lots of chicks. Cool and tough people are always out scoring. The best thing to do is get really drunk (see rule 3) and go out and find some god-awful chick you would normally never even talk to, then try and find a way to get into her panties. Don't worry if your friends will make fun of you for having sex with this girl. This is not an issue. Always remember, quantity not quality. The more sex you have, the better. This will make you cool and tough. It is cool and tough to have a girlfriend. Some people will argue this, but it's true. However, the cool and tough girlfriend does not fit the standard definition of a girlfriend. Cool and tough people never love their girlfriends. In fact, you don't even have to like her. It is only important that she's in a good sorority. This way, you'll get invited to her sorority functions and be able to try and have sex with all of her friends. Also, you'll get T-shirts from these parties and the more sorority party T-shirts you have, the cooler and tougher you will be. Do not be discouraged if your girlfriend has already banged pretty much everyone you know. This will only make her better.

3. Drink Like You're Cool and Tough--This is by far the most important thing to remember if you ever want to be cool and tough. The more you drink and the more you talk about how much you and your friends drink, the cooler and tougher you will become. Also, don't be afraid to do some really dumb shit when you're drunk. Doing dumb shit makes for good stories and good stories make you cool and tough. Especially good stories about what you did while you were drunk. Never puke. Cool and tough people never throw up. If you feel like you're going to throw up, just do some blow or something. Also, the cool and tough man should never pass out. However, since passing out sometimes cannot be controlled, if you must pass out, do so in a place where everyone can see you and think about how cool and tough you are. Every once in awhile, piss on yourself when you're passed out, to show them that you just dont care because you are cool and tough.

4. The Cool and Tough Automobile--Cool and tough people only drive sport utility vehicles. This is not negotiable. The perfect cool and tough vehicle might be a brand new Chevy Yukon with personalized plates, your fraternity letters plastered all over the rear of the car, and a Ducks Unlimited sticker on one of the windows. Another example of a cool and tough automobile might be a Toyota Four Runner in which case a Widespread Panic or Phish sticker may be more appropriate than the Ducks Unlimited sticker. Also, cool and tough people have sunglasses hanging from their rear mirror as well as some (but not too much) mud on the bottom of the vehicle.

5. Cool and Tough Music--Cool and tough people only listen to two bands: Widespread Panic and/or Phish. It is cool and tough to talk about how much you like the Grateful Dead, but you don't have to actually listen to them. It is extremely important to have as many of the most obscure Widespread Panic and/or Phish bootlegs as you can possibly find. As you play the bootlegs, narrate to your listeners how many narcotics/psychedelics you were able to force into your body throughout the course of the particular concert you are listening to. Also, you are never to refer to the concerts as "concerts." The cool and tough terminology is "Show," i.e., "That was a bad-ass Panic Show, man. Gee, I'm really cool. And tough."

6. Doing Drugs Like You're Cool and Tough--Cool and tough people take lots of drugs. It is important that you can handle your drugs. It is important that you can handle your drugs if you want to become cool and tough. Cool and tough drugs include (but are not limited to): Ecstasy, LSD, Blow, any and all pills, nitrous oxide (or any common substitute), and the most important cool and tough drug, marijuana (see rule 7). Cool and tough people are always doing some or all of these drugs at Shows, parties, football games, or just when hanging around the fraternity house on a Tuesday afternoon. No matter what people tell you, drugs will most certainly make you cool and tough.

7. The Cool and Tough Way to Smoke Pot--We've already established that it is definitely cool and tough to smoke marijuana. However, there is a method of doing this that will make you all the more cool and tough. Cool and tough people always say they smoke really good pot, whether it's all that good or not. This "good pot" is most commonly referred to as Nugs, Dank, KB, Dodja, or Nadge. Also, cool and tough people spend a great deal of money on different forms of paraphernalia such as glass pipes, one-hitters, and bongs. Refer to these materials lovingly as your "piece." Only smoke pot with other cool and tough people. Have arguments and debates over who smokes the most pot. Also, always offer it to girls, no matter how straight they look. They may want to smoke, you never know. Secretly, they want to be cool and tough, too. They just don't like to admit it, sometimes.

8. Cool and Tough on Campus--The cool and tough man never walks alone. In fact, he should strive to surround himself with other specimens of coolness and toughness. The cool and tough man should do everything in his power to observe and mimic actions, speech patterns, and the general demeanor of everyone around them. The cool and tough man would never try to be a special or unique butterfly. He knows the ancient secrets of coolness and toughness like unoriginality and social paranoia. The cool and tough man should always have a slight grin, conveying an image of total control and enlightenment. And he should be ready at any moment to belittle anyone he doesn't think is cool or tough.

9. Cool and Tough Out on the Town--The first thing to remember here is the party for a cool and tough person begins way before the party for everyone else. Start drinking and ingesting narcotics sometime around one in the afternoon and keep a steady pace until it's time to go to the bar. Once you have reached the bar, make sure everyone there knows just how fucked up you are. This way, they'll know that you are in fact cool and tough. Some people will tell you to "be a gentleman" and buy drinks for all girls you talk to. This is wrong. The cool and tough person only buys drinks for girls he knows he can probably sleep with later. Generally ignore all other girls. They are of no use to the cool and tough man. After the bar closes, the cool and tough person must always drive home. A cool and tough person would NEVER allow someone else to take them home from the bar, because doing so would mean admitting that you were too fucked up to drive yourself home. And that isn't very cool or tough.

10. Cool and Tough on Game day--While it's cool and tough to have a date for game day, it is extremely important that by the end of the weekend, you have either: a) left her or b) driven her to hate you and your cool and tough antics. This way, you can have sex with some other chick at the party to remind her (and yourself) how cool and tough you are. If for some reason you manage not to lose and/or alienate your date and you wake up next to her on Sunday morning, you make it very clear that no matter what sexual acts you performed the night before, it DOES NOT constitute dating. It will be difficult for her to grasp this. On game days, cool and tough people should already be drunk by the time everyone else wakes up. In fact, the coolest and toughest thing you can do is stay up all night drinking and toot a bunch of blow before you go out tailgating. If you should decide to actually go into the football game rather than just sitting around and drinking, it is very important that you think of super-creative ways to smuggle whiskey into the stadium. That way, later you can tell everyone how you did it and they'll think you're cool. And tough.

11. It is important to note here that not everyone is cut out to be cool and tough. Although, many of these skills can be learned, truly being cool and tough requires a certain degree of natural talent that not everyone is born with. One of the best ways to become cool and tough is to hone your skills by surrounding yourself with other cool and tough people. Be these people. It is certainly neither cool nor tough to be an individual. Constantly strive for the same level of mediocrity of all those around you. However, it is important to remember that though these people may also be cool and tough, they will never be as cool and tough as you are. Some of the people in your fraternity may be cool and tough, but many of them aren't. So don't hang out with them. It is also important to remember that being cool does not necessarily make one tough, nor does being tough automatically make one cool. You should strive to find the proper balance between the two and become simply known as a Cool and Tough person.

DSPS

its called delayed sleep phase syndrome. i think i've suffered from it for a long time. it basically means i cant sleep at night. it takes me forever to fall asleep. once i'm out, its like a light, and i can get at least a few hours of good sleep. more now that i have an awesome curtain. wikipedia says "People with DSPS tend to fall asleep well after midnight and also have difficulty waking up in the morning." thats me. definitely. lots of info about it on the internet. but its 4:30am. maybe i should go to bed. at least i've been rocking out in the meantime. i guess im getting ready for this show...

bored

i admit. i've gotten bored with writing this blog. its not so much that i have nothing to say, its just that i dont have the motivation to write them down. i wish there were a chip that could just translate my thoughts into text on the screen, and then i'd blog about all sorts of shit. its 4:23 in the morning. i can't sleep. its strange. i'm tired, but not sleepy. i've been laying in bed watching tv for hours. pointless tv. tv trying to sell me shit that i don't give a fuck about. shit that i dont need. shit that looks neat but i'm sure will fuck up within a week. well, i just called capitalone. they just took care of some charges on my credit card that i didnt know what the fuck were for. ya for india and all their crazy people who dont give a fuck if american companies get paid. ok, im going to take some more sleeping pills. the ones i took a few hours ago just made me feel retarded, but not sleep.

Sober

yea, i would

http://www.justsayhi.com/bb/view2/eat_buddies

You are 63% likely to eat your buddies!

Watch out mother fuckers.

well, this kid is 14, and one thing is for sure

he definitely isnt getting laid yet

crazy texans/mexicans

my buddy nathan sent me these pictures. seems like this would be illegal to me.

i've officially realized

i'm disconnected from the world. shaq got traded to the phoenix suns. i just now learned of this a week after it happened. i'm out of it.

updates

no, i havent updated this in a couple weeks. yes, i know im a slacker. what can i say, i've been sick, and just havent given a fuck. i missed damn near a week of law school. so i've basically used of all my absences for the semester. fuck. i was going to skip class for valentines day night, but now i basically cant. sucks, but, what can i do? i have a monster headache right now, but i'll survive. i just took some tylenol, and drank some of the good syrup the doc gave me for the cough. i should be ready to pass out soon. i dont need to though. i have a bunch of homework i need to do, but i'm just laying around watching tv. stupid headache. stupid rwa. stupid legal research class. stupid dvr.

its feburary bitches

get your gangsta black people clothes now.

http://www.dangerousnegro.com

vending machines with weed

what a great idea. i said a long time ago that if i could put vending machines with vicodin and adderall in them on college campuses, i could make a ton of money. may as well put some weed in them as well.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7212778.stm

fuck tom cruise hahaha

i absolutely love this story. best of the year so far.

Disruptions against the Church of Scientology's official website continued today after a hacker group this week announced intentions to shut down the controversial organization.

“We shall proceed to expel you from the internet and systematically dismantle the Church of Scientology in its present form,” a YouTube video posted by the hacker group, “Anonymous,” said.

As of this Friday afternoon EST, the controversial church's official website could not be accessed. The site appeared to be operating normally by Monday.

Jose Nazario, senior security and software engineer for Arbor Networks, said today on his blog that since Saturday, researchers have detected 488 DDoS attacks against the church, with an average size of 15,000 packets per second.

Since Monday, the church has been hosted by Prolexic Technologies, a Scottsdale, Ariz.-based provider of DDoS mitigation solutions, according to a Netcraft report. A representative from Prolexic confirmed today that the company was working with the church but declined to comment further.

Anonymous issued a statement Monday, announcing that it would attempt to bring down the church after the church tried to claim copyright infringement over the spread of edited clips from a 2004 promotional video featuring actor and well-known Scientologist Tom Cruise.

The approximately 10-minute video, set to the music of the “Mission: Impossible” soundtrack, features Cruise lauding the church. He said at one point: "Being a Scientologist, when you drive past an accident, it's not like anyone else; as you drive past, you know you have to do something about it, because you know you're the only one that can really help."

The hacker group, in its statement, also accused the church of filtering anti-Scientology comments made about the video, which was posted on YouTube and Digg, among other places.

“They attempted not only to subvert free speech, but to recklessly pervert justice to silence those who spoke against them,” one member of Anonymous said in the statement.

In its own YouTube video, Anonymous blasted the church for its “litigious nature” and for allegedly leading “campaigns of misinformation” and “suppression of dissent.”

Ken Pappas, security strategist at intrusion prevention systems provider Top Layer Networks, told SCMagazineUS.com today that the hacker group likely is using botnets in the takedown operation.

“There are circles out there where you could take ownership of the bot machines that are already owned and launch a simultaneous attack against [something] like the church from 50,000 PCs, all at the same time,” he said.

Anonymous also encouraged supporters to ping the site on their own.

“There are publicly available tools that individuals can download and launch attacks on their own,” Pappas said. “They're out there.”

Aside from encouraging internet disruptions, Anonymous also has urged members to make prank telephone calls to the church, organize protests, distribute anti-Scientology literature and deliver all-black faxes to waste ink.

The church, in a statement sent to SCMagazineUS.com, did not reference the DDoS attacks, but said the Cruise video - while containing pirated excerpts - has resulted in many people searching for information on the church.

"Those wishing to find out the Church of Scientology's views and to gain context of the video have the right to search official church websites if they so desire," the statement said.

new poll

alright, i've made a new poll. as election time is near, i want to see where people fall. me, im probably closer to the i dont give a fuck category. i dont have any money. i dont make any money. i rarely pay taxes. the only thing i really want is free universal healthcare. i need to go to the dentist. i honestly cant remember the last time i was there, and i either have a tumor or an extra tooth or a cist or something growing in my mouth that hurts like a bitch when i touch it or some hard food like a chip stabs into it. i've been sick for months. i havent had an eye exam in years. its just too expensive and i dont have any money to do these things. i think i am going to join the military just to get the awesome insurance.

so im old

i thoguht this was funny

FINALLY, THE 6 ANSWERS WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR:

Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR?
A: It's Braille for "suck here".

Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?
A: It's the same as a French kiss, but "down under."

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. But when they go, they take your house and car with them.

Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?
A: Because they don't have any ball s to scratch...

Q: WHAT IS A MAN'S ULTIMATE EMBARRASSMENT?
A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.

george bush does not care about black people

neither does bill clinton

if you kill me in my computer game...

i will kill you for real. thats apparently what happening in russia. fucking retards.... story below

A 33-year-old Russian gamer from the city of Ufa was killed by a member of a rival online clan after virtual violence provoked a fatal real-life scrap, Russia Today reports.

The victim, named only as Albert, was a member of the "Platanium" clan in the unreported game (possibly Lineage II). His group was mostly made up of experienced gamers over 30, and at the end of December had a bit of an online rumble with the tastefully-entitled Coo-clocks clan - mainly students in their twenties - in which one of the latter was apparently killed.

This led to an arranged meet in the real world, during which "Albert was badly beaten and died from his injuries on the way to hospital".

The 22-year-old alleged assailant has apparently shown no remorse, and refused to justify his actions. His fellow Coo-clocks, meanwhile, "continue to harass the family of the murdered man, threatening to kill his sister, who hasn't turned on the computer for days".

She said: "I think they have confused the game and reality. And after we buried him [Albert] on 31 December, they continued to threaten us."

my kids will be hogs fans

or i will tie them up and tape a hog jersey to them. that is what this guy did. except he is a green bay packers fan. what a moron. perhaps his brain really is made of cheese. nonetheless, i'll be rooting for the pack this weekend.

sex

got this in a forward. what great timing.

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.

2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.

3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.

4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!

5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.

6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!

7 . Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.

8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.

9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.

10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

after much deliberation

i've decided i like this song. i first heard this song last summer when i was watching so you think you can dance. yes, i like that show. anyway, timberland did something with it and made it all gay, unlike what he normally does for people. anyway, here is the original song.

im coming for you, mother fucker

i have a new person on my shitlist. i hope one day i happen on this guy bleeding on the side of the road, and i have the ability to heal people just by touching them, heroes style, and i will let this guy bleed. i'm really contemplating using my internet skills to fuck his world up. there is a nice backstory to all of this, but im not going to go into it. just know that he sucks, and i've never even met the guy, and i dont typically dislike people on a personal level until i meet them. really though, i have his name, address, phone number, and a quick google search tells me he frequents www.humanevents.com and owns a taylor made 2500 guitar. perhaps some gay porn will be in his future.

if she was a bathtub, i'd caulk her

yea, i stalked a bitch like this once. this is fucking hilarious. absolutely hilarious.

new layout

so, its a new year, and i've decided to change to color and layout of my blog. the black was just too depressing. it was good for a while, but im in a much better place in my life now, so i thought something different would be more appropriate. i'm experimenting with some new functionality in this blog. you can now add polls. if you read this, take the one on the left over there and tell me what you think. these are fun, and from time to time, i think i'll add different polls. i already have some funny ones in mind. political affiliation, sex, race, does just the tip count, how you might know me, stuff like that. i neglected this blog for much of christmas break, mainly because i was sick and didnt do anything worth writing about. hopefully, i can make some memories, and share them.

dork shit

ya, im a nerd. i dont give a fuck. a buddy of mine sent me this video. this game they discuss is supposed to be the shit of video games. people say it is supposed to be so good that people will buy badass computers just to be able to play it. personally, i dont have the need or the time, but maybe one day i'll use it as an excuse to buy a new computer.

test

ADA big issue for future as an attorney

 
 

 
 

Issue for this record:

Whether interacting with others in the workplace is a major life activity?

 
 

 
 

crank date asian dude

the list

so, i was asked by someone what makes a good blowjob. i remember back to the time blake, brian, downum and i came up with a list. those 3 were in a car on the way back from mardi gras and i was on the phone with them when downum was supposed to be writing a paper but instead we got this.

• lots & lots of tongue
• eye contact every once in a while is great
• mind the step children
• jerk me as you suck me (in rhythm)
• lick the shaft as well has the head
• its not a joystick, let it stand the way it wants
• swallow or at least let us cum in your mouth
• imagine its a lollipop and tease me
• never squeeze it (hard), but a firm grip is good
• make it fun! for both of us
• we want to watch, let us
• Remember - the better it is, the shorter it lasts
• blow jobs are 80% visual and 20% physical sensation
• we like delivering facials
• look like your having a great time
• no teeth please
• you can twist it slightly as you jerk
• introduce toys - pop rocks, ice, altoids
• suck it, dont just have it in your mouth
• wake us up to our penis in your mouth
• make yourself comfortable