old friends

i'm old. i have a lot of friends, and have seen more come and go, some more special than others. i'm trying to reconnect with a few. for some, it is easy. for others, not so much. i really think some friendships can stand the test of time, and i have some great friends that prove that. however, some only provide memories. some good, some bad, but memories nonetheless

i know my destination but im just not there

its almost 3 am. i can't sleep. i just lay here, thinking about life and the stresses involved with it. im supposed to be growing up, but i feel like all i am doing is getting older. more and more people around me are getting married, and moving forward. i am still alone, and feel like im stuck in the same place i was 5 years ago. sure, i have more education, but i don't know that i've really learned anything.

i remember i smelled that

i've always thought the sense of smell is important. dogs agree. if you lay out a dog's nasal membrane, it would have more surface area than the rest of his body. guess thats why dogs rely so much on the sense of smell. smell is interesting. i've always thought sounds, music in particular, could bring back certain memories. today i've decided that smell does the same thing. i am at my parents, but i didnt bring anything with me really, as i dont plan to stay long. i took a shower with some body wash that was here that i left from years ago. i havent used this brand in a long time, but the smell of it instantly takes me back to when it was left here, and i vividly remember that summer that i used this brand. i dont need to go into details about this, because that isnt the point, and its not a memory i'd prefer to openly discuss. however, i was thinking about other times when smells have been important. its like when your girl stays the night, when you get back in bed after you've walked her out in the morning (or afternoon) and your bed still smells all good like her. or when you dont wash a towel for a couple weeks because she used it to dry off with after a shower, and now she is gone for a long time, but it still smells like her, so from time to time you smell it when you are missing that person. yea, i know, lame and cheesy. its 2 am. i can't sleep. all i do is lay around and think. idle hands are the devils playground.

mike tyson makes me popular

when i first started this blog, i put a statistical analysis program in place to tell me stuff like, number of visitors, where they came from, what website redirected them here, etc etc. every so often, when i contemplate deleting this blog, i log in and see that it is still being viewed, and i decide to keep it around. today, being christmas, i'm bored as fuck. i've already opened all my presents, as have the rest of my family. i dont give a fuck about the lakers playing the celtics, because its not summer time, and i dont give a shit about the nba until summer, when the playoffs start. so, i was looking over the stats for this place. turns out, people from all over the world view this thing. there are really only 2 links that people google search that bring them here. they search for the lyrics to cars, or to the video i linked of mike tyson saying "i'll fuck you till you love me, faggot" located here:

http://thisiswhereitellitlikeitis.blogspot.com/2007/11/ill-fuck-you-till-you-love-me-faggot.html

that said, if you are one of those people, feel free to view the rest of my blog, if you can understand english. if you are looking for that particular video, you might be pleasantly entertained by my blog. or, you'll be really offended. if so, i dont care. have a nice day

braindead

it's christmas eve. well, christmas now, as it is after midnight. i can't sleep. i blame my 7-10 pm nap. what can i say, i drove to my parents, had dinner, and got sleepy. i've been braindead for the last few days. finals just drained me emotionally, physically, and mentally. i can't concentrate on anything for more than 10 minutes. i want to sleep. i have no desire to get up and do anything. i just physically need a day to recover from the disaster that was final exams. my family wants to ask me about school. i dont want to talk about it. what part of i dont want to talk about it dont you fucking understand? it stresses me the fuck out. i just want to enjoy my vacation, enjoy my being worthless, catch up with some folks, catch up on some sleep, and maybe watch a few movies. hell, i guess i will watch a movie tonight, as i cant sleep anyway. fuck the holidays. humbug